WanderingBly

Playing around with new options and an updated space to share more than just long posts. I think you’ll be able to find me here for a while, wanderingbly.com

It's more than just a Costco

I can’t believe how long it has been since I have posted… Things here are plugging along. We are busy with all 3 kids in different schools, on different schedules, and each have their own activities. Life here is really similar to what we would be doing in Seattle, but not quite the same. At times I have thought about posting but while I like to give general updates on the kids I really never thought of this space as being a platform for the minutia of our lives but instead somewhere to share our adventures. As usual there are conversations happening and networking being done which may result in some changes for us, but nothing is for sure yet so it’s too early to start making announcements. One thing these conversations have done is forced me to stop and think about living somewhere really different. We have been so lucky to get the chance to live in the UK and now Australia. We have gotten the chance to experience different places and different lifestyles all while being in very safe locations. Both are English speaking, although there is still plenty of misunderstanding, both are obviously western and the traditions, foods, etc. are very similar to the US. This time we may be taking on a slightly bigger adventure and as we have agonized over locations and lifestyles it has forced me to consider what do we need to be happy somewhere? Turns out the answer to that question just might be Costco.

Everyone I know in Reading and Sydney just rolled their eyes and everyone in Seattle nodded in agreement.

 

A tour of Sydney wouldn't be complete without taking Grandma and Papa to our local Costco. We even got a little lunch.

 

So I love Costco, which is no secret. I think it is a great balance of value and quality, good customer service, and brands I trust. Plus who can beat a $1.50 hot dog and drink? But really that is not the real reason I love Costco so much. I have now been to Costco in 3 countries and I can tell you the warehouse is the same whether you go to the Woodinville location or Reading. The layout is all basically the same, there are some minor differences. In England the candy section is absurdly big and here in Sydney the seafood selection is extensive. As you walk through the brands are all pretty much the same and of course you have the Kirkland Signature options in almost any product. It is the only thing that has been consistent no matter where we live. Walking in those doors is the only place that I am instantly familiar with regardless of how long I have lived in the area. I don’t have to read every package to understand what I’m buying or try out multiple different brands until I find the one I like. It is the easiest part of what is at times a really overwhelming process of getting settled in a new place. It also provides little pieces of home even after we have been here for a while, being able to buy the salsa we like or the warm Carter’s PJs for the kids is really nice. When we get to a new city it is our first stop because we need everything from groceries to bath mats. Once we have done our Costco stock up I can start venturing out to the local stores to figure out where to do our regular shopping, what a good price on milk is, and which chemist is the best. All of that takes time, effort, and usually involves quite a few wrong purchases before I get it right.

They have learned that it is the one place mom is will to buy things like absurdly big ice cream cones.

 

When we started seriously thinking about another move that would put us in a non-English speaking city my initial thought was that if the school is a fit and our home is comfortable then I can manage the rest. For the kids it is really about them being happy in their school. The benefit of going to an international school is they would be going to school with kids who have the same experiences they do, of having lived different places. We would no longer be the one family with a different accent and no intention of settling down for the long term. We would be part of a larger community of expats who do move and the schools are set up to provide support for families like us. On the home side if we can fit our space I can make it a home. I find that I have become so dedicated to our little family routines. Every Friday night is pizza and a movie night, all 5 of us sit down together and watch a movie while eating our pizza. This seems like a silly little thing that doesn’t matter all that much. But if I can keep our pizza and a movie night no matter where we are it provides that consistency and stability. Those are the things that make different places home not just where we live. For Jamie the transition tends to be a bit faster because he is going to a Microsoft office no matter where we are so for better or worse his experience is really similar regardless of location. For me it is Costco. It really isn’t Costco but it is my job to figure out how we actually live in a new city. Having one place that looks and feels the same really helps.

That being said Seoul has multiple Costcos and Munich has none… so it isn’t our only criteria for moving.

The Times They Are A-changin'

I turned around the other day and realized that things have changed around here. We are in our 2^nd month of school and as I watch the kids each settle into their new school year, this year in particular feels like the beginning of a new phase. It’s not hard to figure out why this year feels like a bigger change than others. Patrick started Sr High School and now goes off in his senior uniform. The realization that after this there are only 2 more school years until he is off to university is a very hard thing to wrap my head around. I’m so excited for him but at the same time can’t imagine a day when he isn’t here with us all the time. Kellen started Kindergarten and has settled in so quickly. He is so pleased with himself to have homework like his big brother, he beams when he makes progress on his reading, and he now has a little group of boys he has fallen in with. Then there is little miss Ella, she started preschool two full days and week and as the preschool teacher says “she has blossomed”, in other words her personality and desire to be the centre of attention has exploded over the last 2 months. But it isn’t just the kids this time, I feel like I have changed and have entered into a new phase too. I’ve started doing some part time consulting work and it feels amazing!

I know our new phase isn’t very dramatic, we are going from babies and toddlers to young kids, but it is a big change. I’ve realized that I haven’t bought diapers or pull ups in a long time. I no longer feel the need to carry an overflowing bag everywhere I go, if I have wipes on me it’s a bonus not a necessity. Getting in the car everyone is using actual seatbelts no more 5 point harnesses which is a small victory in my book. It is also small things I don’t always recognize in the moment but then in retrospect realize how nice it is to have. I can now say everyone put on their shoes and everyone can go find appropriate shoes and put them on. All 3 kids can work together to pick up the playroom and it actually ends up clean. In so many little ways things are getting easier. The flip side is I’ve noticed the battles I do have seem to be getting more difficult. As Ella’s personality ‘blossoms’, as they like to say at preschool, her wilfulness just increases. The two of us go to battle all day every day and I’m scared to think that I have about 20 more years of this ahead of me. Today the battle was over fruit snacks and ended when she threw her glass of milk onto the floor and I marched her to her room… Kellen seems to be doing so well in school but when he does waiver my heart breaks for him. He has to do news every Thursday when he gets up in front of the class and tells them his news. Standing in front of the class and speaking is so far the hardest thing for him about school and watching how nervous he gets is terrible, but then seeing him so proud after school is comforting. The thought of Patrick driving now that he is 16 is so scary. I think back to when I was 16 and allowed to drive to and from school, to my activities, out with friends, and I think my parents must have been sick worried all the time. I want him to do these things but don’t want him to do them either. We are definitely entering a new phase of worries and frustrations.

With Kellen in school 5 day and Ella in 2 days I figured I would have all this free time I didn’t have before. I’ve learned that school 5 days means your time is taken up with drop offs and pickups and then trying to fit everything else into the space in between. We also have to move all of our regular activities to after school time so we are busier than ever. I also wanted to do something for myself with the 2 days I have kid free. Through networking with some of the moms I have met I was connected with a company that provides exit, stay, and on boarding interviews to their clients. They hire contractors as independent consultants so I had to get a business number and was hired on a consultant to do interviewing for them. So far it is great, I am able to schedule my work around my own availability and once I’ve filled my available time I don’t have to take on any more work, or if I have more time available for whatever reason I can schedule more interviews and bill more hours. I’ve enjoyed it so far, I’ve been assigned multiple law firms, a pharmaceutical company and two large mining companies. I am talking to different people who do different types of work and it has been really interesting. I’m enjoying having something to focus on outside of the stay at home mom realm I’ve been in for almost 4 years now. It gives me an outside focus and I will actually be earning some money. It’s already burning a hole in my pocket, I have a list of really exciting things I want to go out and indulge in. I think a trip to the new Williams-Sonoma that opened near us is on the agenda. I started going through the interview process with Apple for a recruiter position they are hiring here in Sydney and while there is something really exciting about the chance to go back full time, work in the city, and make a full salary. The thought of going form home full time to never home was just too much. In the end the role wasn’t a good fit and it helped me realize that I’m not ready to go back full time but working part time and getting to work while still being home full time is perfect for me right now.

So we are changing over here. Some things are getting easier and other things are getting harder. The kids are gaining their independence little by little and I am too.

A Year and a Half In - Reflections on Living in Australia

Note - this is Jamie writing, not Nicole. She has not in any way endorsed the content below.

Today marks eighteen months in Australia – we landed here as a family on the 1^st of August 2013 – jetlagged and squinting from the unfamiliar sun that had eluded us for most of our lives prior to then in Seattle and Reading. Funny to think it was only a year and a half ago – now the kids’ entire lives are in the sun, the beach and the water. They have integrated into their Aussie schools, made friends, picked up the local dialect and play local sports. And Nicole and I have as well, maybe less dramatically, but we have settled into a life here where we can always hear and see the water. We have made friends and adjusted to local custom. We have over the last couple of weeks met good friends for BBQs on the beach with the kids playing down in the water as the sunset and had the whole work team and their families up to our house for a post MYR celebratory BBQ. We have celebrated two Christmases now in Sydney, in the hot of summer and with a surf before dinner. We have made the flight with the kids back to Seattle to visit and had the feeling that it was nice to see family but we really want to get home, back to Sydney. I am not sure when this happened, this sense of home, but it had to be sometime over the last eighteen months. A moment there when we no longer missed the UK and Australia had become our home. I am reminded of Grandma Bly’s advice - home is where your family is. Maybe it is as simple as this.  

It is an awkward milestone – eighteen months; it lacks the evenness of one year or two years or a decade. But it is an interesting milestone nonetheless for me as it is the moment when we decided that our adventure in England had about run its course and we started to consider our next step – reaching out into the network, debating the whole move back to US or stay abroad, phone interviews, etc… which led to a move at the two year mark. If we were again to move on the two year mark, say this August, I would need to get the ball rolling now – where do we want to live, what roles will be available there, what makes the most sense on the work side and the family side, etc… It is this debate that we have started to go through, this tiring and maybe futile assessment of would we be better off doing this or that, what will be best in the long term, for the kids, for work, for us. But aside from the debate on stay or go, the eighteen month milestone has made me lean back and reflect on our experience thus far which is what I wanted to share today.

People say that Australia is a hybrid of UK and US culture. I believe Nicole already wrote about this so I will spare you my impression, but it is at least at a basic level a reasonable assessment. What sticks out to me the most about Australia is how similar it really is the US, or more specifically, how not dissimilar it is. In England we really felt that we were in another world – everything felt different from the US – the language was undecipherable at times, most things felt much smaller than they should be (cars, houses, fridges, etc…) and we were surrounded by an immeasurable wealth of history and culture. We could run into London and see Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, St. Peters, Tower Bride, etc… Or step into a museum and stand before the Elgin marbles, Michelangelo statues, Van Gogh’s sunflowers. We could hop into the car and explore any number of castle ruins before a cosy lunch and pint of ale at a pub that dated back before the US was founded. And once we tired of exploring the UK, Europe was at our doorstep. This is not to say that the UK was perfect. We found living there hard in a lot of ways, and wet. I love that we had the opportunity to do it, but I do not yearn to go back by any means. But it felt different, distinctly different, an experience that we and the kids would remember, justifying the distance from our families and friends in the US.

Australia in contrast has appeal in a very different way. The museums here in Sydney fall a bit short, as does the historical architecture and to my knowledge there are no castle ruins or even real pubs to explore. Asia is at the doorstep, although the journey is an eight hour or more flight to get there. A long driveway if you will. Australia, or Sydney more specifically, is however beautiful. Water is everywhere – from inlands protected bays and coves to breaking waves on some of the world’s most beautiful beaches. The flora and fauna is unworldly and in abundance – wallabies, kangaroos, koalas, lizards, spiders along with beautiful eucalyptus or gum trees, banksia, creeping jasmine, giant agave and the incredible frangipani. The weather is temperate and mild and allows for shorts just about every day through the year. The sunsets are unbelievable every night. Pollution is about as low as you will find in a developed country, crime is not something that occupies the public imagination (neighbours leave houses unlocked) and people are friendly. It is all unnerving at first, I found myself aching for a little biting sarcasm or a cold rainy day at first. But you quickly succumb to the pleasantness, drifting into life here in Australia.

It is this pleasantness that is at the heart of our debate over staying or going. Pleasant is a funny word, synonymous with agreeable, amiable, and likeable. Pleasant is good, but is it great? Is pleasant enough to justify the financial cost, or the emotional burden of living so far from family? Or is pleasant just what we need at this formative time in the kids’ lives?

While we may no longer be exploring new countries or rich history, our life here is very nice. I work with a great team and enjoy what I am doing. Patrick just started year 10 and is in all advanced placement classes, is almost as excited about his studies as he is the upcoming beach bonfire or surfing with his buddies, learning to drive and maybe even kissing a girl (gasp). Kellen is starting ‘real school’, or kindergarten, on Monday and cannot wait to tell us about his science studies which he is sure he will do on day one. Ella had her first few days of preschool last week and is proud to be the big girl who gets to stay after having brought and picked up Kellen every day last year. Nicole has integrated well and made her group of friends as she always does and is even considering going back to work here in Sydney. We live on the northern beaches outside of the city, a long commute into the Sydney CBD but a stones throw from an idyllic little village with a grocer, a butcher and a baker. The house overlooks Bilgola beach to the back and Avalon beach to the front, with view of the water from most rooms. The community is small but great, with the same people at the ballet recital as at the nippers morning or soccer or just in the grocery store. Not that everyone knows everyone, but it is close. A place I feel good with Patrick running around town. Almost what I imagine stepping back into time would be like, to the town my parents grew up in with the exception of being on the east coast of Australia vs. the plains of northern Minnesota. Small difference. The family is happy here, the lifestyle is great, the environment perfect for raising a family.

But somehow something still pulls at me. Maybe it is lingering wanderlust, a yearning to get out and explore the world, new cultures, meet different people. It is this that set us out to begin with.

We are approaching an inflection point – if we moved this August, Patrick would be entering his final two years of high school in the northern hemisphere. I could not justify moving him later than this which leads us to the conclusion that either we push on this winter (August) or we hold tight and let Patrick graduate down here in three years. We either pack up and start again, likely in mainland Europe somewhere, or really settle in – apply for Australian residency, maybe buy nicer cars, think about getting a dog. The shift from living somewhere where you anticipate being a couple of years vs. somewhere you plan to be longer, maybe a lot longer, is subtle but real. Little decisions around cell phones or where to live or gym membership are put into new light. Vacation planning changes. Work and career conversations shift. College research for Patrick takes a different light. We would need to get local drivers licenses.

I am not sure where we will land with the decision – my heart pulls me to move on while my mind tells me the best thing to do is to stay for a while and enjoy life – see Patrick graduate, the kids build deeper friendships and Nicole not thrust into a new place again to make friends from scratch. Fortunately it is not a decision we need to make today, so until we do, we will be enjoying the pleasant life and be swimming between the flags.

Fork and a Foon

 

This morning I got the best news, it looks like we are finally at the end of what has felt like an incredibly long process. Kellen had always reached all his milestones within the ‘normal’ timeframe and once he started talking he would chatter away like any toddler. While his vocabulary would grow and he would put together multiple words, and eventually sentences, it seemed he was hard to understand. Not long before he turned 3 I remember asking a friend when her son started to speak more clearly so that others could understand him and she thought it was around preschool time when mom wasn’t there anymore to translate. So we plugged along and Kellen started nursery school in England. At this point Jamie, Patrick, and I were really the only ones who could understand him. It would break my heart to see him trying to talk to someone else and unless they spent a lot of time with Kellen and were used to the way he would talk they really couldn’t understand what he was saying. It seemed like everything was mumbled and some of the sound substitutions he made were unusual. He would get a lot of blank stares and smiles while people waited for me to repeat what he had said more clearly. But I told myself that he was little and eventually it would click.

A couple of months after starting nursery the teachers said that they felt his language was impacting his ability to interact with the other kids and it was difficult for the teachers to understand him. It was also getting progressively more frustrating for Kellen to constantly be misunderstood. At times when we would be at home or in the car and he would use a new word I often couldn’t quite get what he was saying and he would continue to repeat it, to the point of yelling, not understanding why I couldn’t understand him. This started a series of tests and appointments to try and figure out what was wrong and how we help him move forward. We went through long waitlists to get his hearing tested and get assessments done on what the issue might be. As we went along I learned a lot about all the different things that can impact speech. I was also given information explaining how delay in language can be an early indicator of delays in literacy, etc. So as we went along I worried about every potential issue we could be dealing with and what this could mean for the long term.

The NHS is amazing for many reasons, braces being 100% covered for one, but it does have its downsides. We finally did see a speech therapist and were given a few things to work on at home and told that they would check in 6 months later to see how he was progressing. To be fair there are children and adults in much more serious situations then Kellen’s but it was extremely frustrating to be essentially pushed through from appointment to appointment with no real clarity on what we were working on or how to do it. Then we left England and never ended up having the follow up appointment. Once Kellen started preschool here in Australia it felt like starting all over again. He had progressed some as any child will between 3 to 4 but was still far off from speaking clearly. I asked the preschool director for her opinion as she has so much more experience with kids at that age and no surprise they were actually going to suggest we have Kellen assessed… The saddest example was the day he brought in things from the Australian Museum. The museum had a special dinosaur exhibit running and we went to go see it. The school encourages the kids to bring in pamphlets or ticket stubs when they do interesting things so they can share with the rest of the class. Kellen brought in his dinosaur ticket and stood in front of his class excited to tell everyone about his day at the museum. The teacher said he was up there confident and excited but the other kids really couldn’t understand him. We were referred to a speech pathologist for an assessment of Kellen and I expected the same result but hopefully we could actually start some speech therapy as we are on private healthcare now.

The woman who assessed Kellen was great and actually came to his preschool and did the assessment there so he hardly even knew what was happening and didn’t have to go to another doctor’s appointment where the adults talk about how poor his speech is. When I got the assessment report I was amazed, she actually pinpointed what she felt was the source of Kellen’s speech challenges, tongue tie! What?! I had never even been asked about tongue tie and had never discussed it with anyone up until then and he was 4 years old. The first thing I did was make an appointment with the ENT she recommended and then searched online. I don’t suggest doing that unless you want to see terrible pictures of recently separated tongues. What I did learn was that while tongue tie is fairly common it is normally caught as an infant and can be corrected right there in the paediatricians office without even an anaesthetic. When caught as an older child it is an operation that requires going under a general anaesthetic. We were torn between relief that it was finally something tangible we could work on and a little concerned about the thought of our 4 year old going under a general. We have been very fortunate health wise, while I know many families have had to deal with far more serious operations none of us have ever had to go under and general and it was scary.

We met with the ENT and he agreed that Kellen was tongue tied but it didn’t appear to be very severe so suggested we try speech therapy for 4 months, at the end of the 4 months based on his progress we would either move forward with the procedure or continue to address it through therapy. While it was tempting to want him to say “Oh I can fix this tomorrow” I did feel good that we weren’t just jumping into anything and were doing the work on our end first before putting Kellen through a procedure. So we started going to speech therapy every Friday morning. I was so proud of Kellen during is sessions and then with his homework, he really did work hard even when it wasn’t easy. We were encouraged as we went along because we did see progress. As the end of the 4 months drew closer it was clear that while he did make progress he was really having a hard time making the sounds appropriately, and when he did it would be very slow. So instead of Long Kellen would say Lll-ong, since he would have to work hard to get the L sounds right and then hold it before moving on to the rest of the word.

We met with the ENT again and he agreed we should move forward with the procedure and was able to get us in just a couple of weeks later. Kellen’s appointment was for a Monday and since it was a fairly minor surgery they were able to do it from their day surgery and luckily we didn’t have to go into a hospital as I imagine that would have been overwhelming for him. We talked about what was going to happen the Sunday before, we didn’t want to build it up so much that it became a big scary thing and instead the day before we just talked about seeing Dr Taplin again and what was going to happen. I think I was the most nervous the night before first because he was going to have to go under a general anaesthetic and second because I really didn’t know what to expect as far as recovery. The next day we were at the doctors early and they were so good with Kellen, trying to make him and I feel comfortable. Once we were called back it was all very fast. I was able to stay with him while he went under the anaesthetic then I was taken out of the room. It was only about 30 – 40 minutes later when I was called back because he was in the recovery area. As he woke up he was understandably groggy but we were lucky that he didn’t get sick. After waiting to make sure he was eating and drinking we were sent home. The first time Kellen stuck his tongue out I was amazed as he was easily able to stick it out further than I have ever seen. He was lethargic for most of the day but by that night he was running around the house. By Wednesday he was back at school.

I assumed the change in his speech would take time but only a few days later we were in the car and he said something with an L in it and the sounds was not only clear but his speech was fluid. I was so relieved. Our biggest concern was putting him through the procedure only to have it not make a difference. Over the next 2 weeks the change in his speech was remarkable. He is speaking more clearly and much more quickly, it has been noticeable at school and at home. We had our post-op appointment with the ENT and he said that Kellen has healed perfectly, no need to continue to see him. The day of the surgery we only spoke with the nurse after as the doctor was held up in the surgery after Kellen’s. So it was only during out post-op that he had a chance to tell me that once he was in Kellen’s mouth he was surprised by the severity of Kellen’s tongue tie, he said he would categorize it as severe. He had to separate 2 ½ cm of tissue and it is no wonder her movement was so restricted.

Now to the best news. This morning we had our first appointment back at speech and I was looking forward to her seeing how far Kellen has come in just 3 weeks. She ran him through all of the sounds we have been working on and she said that it is amazing but he is fine, totally age appropriate now. The work he did the previous 4 months taught him how to make the sounds, it was just physically hard for him to do it, now that he had the ability he was naturally speaking in the right way. Kellen just turned 5 and this is the age where the R sounds becomes clear. She said that when there is an earlier speech issue it can then cause a slight delay in the progress of the future sounds. She even ran him through his R sounds and while he isn’t doing the perfectly in his normal speech, he can make the sounds and is right on track with any other 5 year old. We are going to meet again in a month just to touch base but as of now there doesn’t appear to be a need to continue with speech sessions.

The relief I feel at hearing that news is unbelievable. At different points over the last 2 years we have been worried about long term learning disabilities, hearing, his ability to process, etc. There has been concern that the difficulty in speech could impact social interactions especially as primary school starts in January. I was really focused on doing everything we could before he starts primary school. Right now the kids are so little and half of them talk in their own funny ways that it hasn’t been something to be embarrassed about or something other kids would tease about. I know once primary school starts even small differences can become the target of teasing and the last thing I wanted for him was to be teased for talking like a baby. I also think about how frustrating it is that it has taken so long to find out the issue was so easily addressed. Why wasn’t this caught as a baby or in any other assessment? I vaguely remember talk of tongue tie when he was first born and we were still trying to master breastfeeding but I was in such a confused state of post C-section pain pills and all the hormones that come along with just having a baby that I really can’t remember what was identified or why nothing was done. I also have to sit back and recognize how lucky we are that the issue was something that could be addressed. Last week I met a mom whose son is 7 and completely non-verbal due to autism. That was a much needed dose of perspective.

So today has been a graduation of sorts for Kellen. No more assessments and regular speech appointments. No more doctors’ appointments where he has to for the 20^th time open his mouth, stick his tongue out, let them take pictures. No more having to correct him and work with him as he is just trying to have a conversation. No more having others not fully understand what he is talking about. Now if I could just do something about the percentage of time what he is talking about is Scooby Doo…

 

Whale Watching

Two posts in one week, this must be a record. We had an unexpected adventure today that turned out to be amazing. This morning I had planned on spending our day running little errands like getting a birthday present for a party Ella is invited to this Saturday. I happen to look at Facebook when I saw a post on a local mom’s group I am a part of, someone mentioned there was a pregnant whale off of Long Reef Beach very close to the shore. As I was getting ready I just kept thinking how much fun it would be for the kids to see a whale up close and how much I want to see a whale up close, not just off on the horizon. I decided to make a detour and see if we could find anything, we grabbed the camera and headed out the door.

I had never been to Long Reef beach so we had to find it and then we trekked down to the beach only to find it empty and no sign of anything. We walked up and down a bit but there was nothing to see but at this point I had been selling a whale sighting pretty hard to the kids and I was determined to find something. Maybe chanting “we’re whale explorers!” should have waited until I knew if we would actually see a whale. There was a headland at the end of the beach so we drove down further and before getting the kids out I jumped to see if there was any sign of a whale or a crowds and didn’t see anything. It’s amazing how helpful things like a community group could be, there must have been multiple people like me driving around looking because when I checked the mom’s group again someone had just posted that she was a Warriewood beach and the whale was right there. We quickly headed down and got to the beach as fast as we could.

It was unbelievable, there was a Southern Right Whale about 30 yards off the shore. There were people above the beach taking pictures and people on the beach watching but not huge crowds, the kids were able to run around on the beach and play while the adults took pictures. The first thing I noticed was a woman in an orange vest walking around handing out fact sheets on the southern right whale, she came up to us right away once she saw the kids. She immediately reassured us that the whale wasn’t beached and appeared to be perfectly healthy and happy. There were NPWS rangers there that were out in the water at a distance from the whale and on the shore, I assume they were there to assist should the whale become beached or to prevent people from getting too close. While we were there I didn’t see anyone trying to get close or in the water, everyone seemed happy to just sit back and watch. It sounds like later in the day they had some problems but while we were there it was one of those unique environments when everyone is just excited and happy to be seeing something so rare.

We happen to run into a mom I met through the mops group I joined so we just sat on the beach and chatted while the kids played. I found myself too slow to catch the more dramatic photo opportunities and reminding the kids to turn around and look at the whale. Turns out a 2 and 4 year old don’t quite appreciate how amazing the experience of seeing a whale up close is but they did get some good sightings in between running around with their new friend. The whale wasn’t doing huge jumps or putting on a show but instead it just seemed to be swimming around the area, rolling over, and poking its head out.



We ended up not accomplishing any errands today but it was a very good day.

Life Down Under

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, at different times I’ve thought about writing something but really our life has been plugging along and I figured only two people would be interested in hearing about the ins and outs of Kellen’s day at preschool or Ella’s ballet lesson. Since I talk to my mom and Jamie everyday there didn’t seem to be a need for a post. Since we arrived I’ve really felt like Australia is nice, or more specifically Sydney, but it is so similar to the US that I’m not sure it is different enough to warrant the high cost of being so far from family. I was lucky to take a trip back to Seattle in May so I could be there for Elizabeth’s wedding and as people asked how Australia was I really felt somewhat indifferent to it, we like it but I don’t feel drawn to stay, there are good aspects and bad aspects, it’s just ok.

What I wasn’t expecting was the effect a trip back to Seattle would have. Once I got back to Sydney I was able to see a lot of the things that actually are quite different and unique here that we just won’t get anywhere else. It is currently the middle of winter and we were at the beach playing in the sand on Sunday, Jamie asked where else would we be able to have the combination of how beautiful, clean, air quality (a co-worker just moved to Beijing so this is a very real consideration), good public schools, and a city that is large enough to have good jobs. I think the initial reaction was because it is so much more like the States than England is, I just read Bill Bryson’s book Down Under and he had a good way of explaining the unique blend of British and American influence here in Australia.

I can’t tell you how exciting it was. Insofar as I had accumulated any expectations of Australia at all in the intervening years, I had thought of it as a kind of alternative southern California, a place of constant sunshine and the cheerful vapidity of a beach lifestyle, but with a slight British bent – a sort of Baywatch with cricket, as I thought it. But this was nothing like that.

What’s more, and here we come to the real crux of things, I like it, straight off, without quibble or doubt, in a way I had never expected to. Something about it just agreed with me. I suppose it helped that I had spent half my life in America and half in Britain because Australia was such a comfortable fusion of the two. It had a casualness and vivacity – a lack of reserve, a comfortableness with strangers – that felt distinctly American, but hung on a British framework. In their optimism and informality Australians could pass at a glance for Americans, but they drove on the left, drank tea, played cricket, adorned their public places with statues of Queen Victoria, dressed their children in the sort of school uniforms that only a Britannic people could wear without conspicuous regret.

I think where I’ve landed is that for a family this really is a utopia. When I compare it to the States I should really say Seattle, as so much of the difference centre around weather, and when I say Australia I should really say Sydney, or more specifically our area of Sydney. Where we live is an almost bizarrely ideal area. We have the beach on one side and the bay on the other. There is almost no crime, we are surrounded by parks and it is extremely child friendly. The flip side to that is that the cost of living is the 3^rd highest in the world, I wanted to get an oil change only to find out they are $150. There is also almost no diversity around us. There is relative financial diversity but while I have met multiple people from South Africa and Western Europe that really makes up the extent of the diversity in our area. There are suburbs that are predominantly Asian but we make up most of the diversity at Kellen’s preschool here.

But day to day it is great for the kids. In the summer Patrick was meeting kids at the beach every day, now that it is winter he is meeting them for pick up rugby games. The Xbox playing time is a fraction of what it was before. Kellen is always outside, at school they do most of their group time and activities outside, every time I even open the side door to hang laundry he somehow manages to dash out to the backyard. Last week was school break and we went to the library, as soon as we got home his first instinct was to take his book outside into the sun to look at it. I love that keeping him busy over break didn’t involve indoor play centres or endless hours of too much TV. Ella is happy to run errands with me because most of the time they involve walking around town where she can stop and look at things, she usually scores a doughnut from the outdoor bakery counter and gets to pet a few dogs along the way. It doesn’t sounds all that ground breaking that kids should play outside but after Seattle and then England it is a huge difference to be able to spend time outside year round. I was a real challenge was to try and keep kids entertained when it was either raining or freezing temps for months at a time. Being able to just head down to the beach on Sunday morning for the kids to dig or collect shells and have the chance to spot whales or dolphins is amazing. We are also starting to actually social with adults and no kids along, which again sounds obvious but when you are new somewhere it takes a while. Through school, ballet, and soccer I have met more people in the area so don’t feel quite as isolated as I had earlier in the year.

I also came back with a reminder of how nice it is not to live in a climate of extreme politics whether it be over women’s rights or gun culture. The lack of vast expanses of new housing developments and strip malls. Or the thought of trying to fit in our English size house with Ella now being as active as Kellen is sounds overwhelming to say the least.

So I was trying to think, why the sudden change of heart from indifferent to liking it here? Then I realized that in 2 weeks it will be 1 year in Sydney. I remember when we hit that 1 year mark in England suddenly feeling much more settled and comfortable, in a way that makes you realize that you weren’t fully comfortable before. I think I’m going through the same process here. The physical settling in was faster here, it was easy to figure out where to live, where to shop, brands, etc. But I do think when you move to a different country it takes a year to fully settle. Basic things like what the weather is like each season or what to expect during the kids’ school year. We just renewed our lease on the house for another year and it is nice to know we aren’t moving anytime soon. Ella has her spot in preschool for next year and Kellen is enrolled at the local public school to start kindergarten next year.

This isn’t just an open love letter to Australia. There are drawbacks to being so geographically remote. The school year here is longer similar to England so the kids actually have quite a few breaks throughout the year. Living in Europe we took advantage of every break and there were so many places close enough to drive or a cheap flight away that we tried to go somewhere of every chance we got. Here even traveling within Australia is long distances and expensive flights so to go almost anywhere is a longer and expensive family vacation. We are also so far from family, we’ve priced what it would cost to visit for Christmas and we would be looking at something around $10k just in airfare to get there. It is also very expensive here so we try and do as much shopping as we can when Jamie goes back for work and just bring an additional suitcase back. Plus my kids are growing up resistant to wearing shoes or anything that resembles warm clothing.

While we would jump at the chance to move back to Western Europe in a heartbeat we are finally settled here. The thought of where our next location might be is exciting but I no longer feel like we are just waiting our time in Australia out and that is a nice change. When I look at the environment and lifestyle for the kids I can think of few places that are better for them to be right now. While I won’t be applying for citizenship anytime soon I’m starting to see how this place will eventually be hard to leave.

Should I stay or should I go?

Lately I’ve been struggling with a feeling of restlessness, which seems kind of ridiculous given we have made 2 international moves in under 3 years. But as we are now settled in Sydney, the boys are in school, Ella has her activities, and the house feels like our home, I can’t help but feel l personally need more. I really do love most parts of being a stay at home mom. When I was working and Kellen was a baby I wished I could stay home and when the opportunity came up I jumped at it. For me the most challenging part of staying home has been trying to make sure I have interests or activities outside of the kids and the house. In England I had a great circle of girlfriends and I would take the occasional evening class so I felt like even though my days are dominated by baby and toddler related tasks I still have brief breaks of conversation or learning something completely removed from them. Here is Sydney I’m having a harder time finding those outside interests. When we first arrived I did some basic research on classes but we don’t live 5 minutes from a university campus like we did before. I have also started to make friends but for the most part still feel fairly isolated out here. So now what? Lately I’ve really been feeling like maybe it’s the right time to go back to work. Right before we left England I had started networking again and thinking about going back. At the time it was really more financially driven and when it became clear that we would be moving again shortly my 1 week job search was over. Now it is more of a personal desire to have interaction outside of the house and the chance to focus on something non child related.

It seems really simple, if I want to work I should find a job and go back to work. The reality is a little more complicated. If I were to go back to a full time job then the kids would need to be in full time day care. That means that Kellen would have to stop going to preschool and both Kellen and Ella wouldn’t be able to continue their activities. That also means I would be gone as often as Jamie is given that where we live is a long commute to almost anywhere an office would be. Do I really want to disrupt them again after having gone through a major move less than a year ago? No. Would I be able to handle only seeing them a few hours a day to get breakfast and dinner in them before they need to go to bed? No. Unless the position was so great that we could afford a nanny to watch the kids and keep their current schedules uninterrupted this doesn’t seem like an option. Even if a great nanny is a possibility do I want to miss things and be away from them that much? I don’t think so. Part of me feels like the reward for being housekeeper, primary potty training, and the target of the tantrums is that I can go to the ballet recitals and school concerts. When you stay at home you get all the worst parts of young kids but the balance is the ability to pick Kellen up from school and have him show me what he’s been working on all day. Ella is 2 ½ now and Jamie questions whether it is just a year or so too early? Next year Ella will be in school 2 days per week, Kellen 5 days and every year after that I will be on my own more so will have more and more flexibility to pursue what I want.

So I’m trying to figure out what does make sense for us. If money were no object I would not hesitate to enrol in Le Cordon Bleu and eventually open a little bakery. Or go back to become a nurse and work in a local family practice. My interests are varied but unfortunately most require going back to school full time so in that scenario we would have full time child care costs, school tuition, and no income. That scenario is easily ruled out for us at this time.

The ideal balance would be a position that would be a contract, it would be part-time, and it would allow me to work remotely. I remember when I was working as a full time recruiter and we would bring contractors on to help with sourcing and I would hear about people who got to work remote from around the US and had flexible schedules, I would always wonder how they managed to work that deal. So that’s what I think I’m trying to do now. I don’t even know if those types of opportunities exist here is Sydney or if you really have to know the teams in order for them to allow that kind of work but I figure it is worth a try. In my head I imagine myself going through our normal morning routine and then spending 3 or 4 hours working while Ella plays and naps, then once they have gone to bed at night I can work another 3 hours or so. As it is I’m sitting next to Jamie on the couch while he is working away, there is no reason I couldn’t either. This might be totally unrealistic and in reality they end up wanting you in the office in person a lot more often or for the amount of money the contracts pay here it isn’t worth trying to find backup childcare on occasion or whatever it might be. But the thought of having a job and a focus outside of our household is really appealing right now.

I miss feeling a sense of accomplishment, while it is a miracle when all the laundry hampers are empty at the same time it’s not quite the same thing. I want to interact with people even if it is primarily via email. An income would be nice too although I can’t imagine part time remote work would be a major windfall. What I don’t want is the daily stress of which one of us can get off work early enough to get the kids from day care. Or when one of them is sick what do I need to cancel and fall behind on to stay home. So really I want all the benefits or both working and staying home.

I can’t imagine I’m the only stay at home mom trying to figure out how long this job lasts. Sometimes I think about how great it is when Patrick gets home and can spend an hour talking about something from school, by dinner he has moved on and is just trying to get excused from the table as fast as he can. So does that mean to have the same experience with Kellen and Ella that you can never go back? I just can’t believe that.

Christmas Vacation

It’s back to school time here and as we have eased back into our school schedules and activities it’s been funny to hear people ask how your Christmas break was instead of summer vacation. I’m guessing this must be because weather wise we are nowhere near the end of summer yet it’s time to go back to school. Much like the UK the summer break is much shorter here, only about 6 or 7 weeks, but there are longer breaks throughout the year. We managed to pack as much as possible into those 6 weeks and I think everyone was ready for things to settle down.

Last school year ended the week before Christmas so as soon as the break started we launched right into the holiday madness. The first day we had the Microsoft family Christmas event at Jamie’s office. I don’t think Ella had spent any time with Santa this year before the event so we quickly learned that she is not a fan. Other than some hysterics when forced to get close to Santa it was a fun event but instead of winter themed activities the kids enjoyed a petting zoo and bouncy houses, a very different experience. We had the playgroup holiday party, drinks with some friends we have met through Ella’s ballet and soon enough it was time to start baking for Christmas. This was our 3^rd Christmas away from family and I think we have come into our own on Christmas, we now have our own little traditions and it is really nice to have the holiday be a calm day as opposed to packed with commitments. I think we were the only people in Sydney happy to see it rainy and overcast on Christmas morning. Everyone had told me that an Australian Christmas is spent at the beach, lucky for us it was rainy so it felt a little more like a Seattle Christmas watching the kid’s new movies from Santa and indulging on candy from our stockings.

Poor thing was subjected to this by Daddy

Ready to sit down for Christmas Eve dinner

 

Before we knew it Grandma and Papa’s arrival date was finally here and then the real fun began. The kids were so excited to have Grandma and Papa here, Mom and Dad were definitely old news once they arrived. Patrick and I went to the airport to pick them up as we drove up the driveway when we go home we found Kellen sitting on the deck just waiting for them to get here. His face once he saw Grandma and Papa was priceless, had I know I would have had camera ready because the look of joy on his face was so special. After the initial tour of our immediate area we started venturing a little further out. We did the Opera House, Blue Mountains, a weekend in the Hunter Valley, and even a few evenings out without the kids. It was busy but so nice to have time with them. I like having them see where we live, the places we go, etc. because even though we talk on the phone and Skype regularly it’s hard to give someone the full picture. This way when I talk to my Mom about Ella going to ballet she can picture where we are and what we are doing. It is also interesting to see the kids from their perspective, all three of them are changing so quickly and 6 months really does make a big difference. The kids of course got spoiled with all of the attention, not to mention the constant access to juice. I think it was a real let down when they had to go back to normal life.

Night out to see La Soirée at the Opera House

About to ride down one of the world's steepest railways in the Blue Mountains

Picnic in the city

I got time with Mom and Dad not just the kids with Grandma and Papa. Headed out to Jonah's for an experience.

Kellen spotting the Kangaroos outside the cabin

Turns out there was a joey in her pouch!

Success! Papa was on a spending spree while we tasted

 

It was a great 3 weeks full of activity but also down time taking the kids to the beach or being at the house. I think those were some of the best times. Kellen leading us in a game of Simon Says or Ella showing off her dance moves. Those are the little things that can’t be done from so far away. I also really wanted them to have a brief escape from how difficult things have been back home over the last 6 months. We did have some sad moments and talked a lot about how people are doing and what comes next but overall it really was about enjoying our time together. I would say the trip was perfect although driving back from dropping them off at the airport Kellen told me that next time Grandma and Papa visit they are going to bring AJ, I’m not sure anyone has told them yet.

Hanging with Papa

Then we only had a week and a half left until school started up again. Both boys were excited to be back in school and Ella had been asking for both ballet and playgroup on a daily basis. It feels good to start the year and finally be on schedule. After an extended summer break, starting the school year towards the end and another summer break, it is nice to start on the first day of school and be able to plan a little farther in advance. We’ve just finished our 2^nd week and everyone has fallen back into the routine nicely.

So here we are, we have now lived in Sydney for 7 months and it seems like the time has flown by. I would say that we like it here. It is really beautiful and the weather is just about as perfect as it gets, hot but not uncomfortable, humid but not muggy, etc. Do we love it here? No. It has been surprising and Jamie and I keep checking in with each other and we like it we just don’t love it. It is really similar to the US, I often think this must be what it is like to live in Southern California. In a lot of ways it has made getting settled really easy. There are big box stores, malls, and grocery stores with parking lots. At the same time we feel like if we are going to live so far from family we should be gaining new experiences and maybe it is too similar for the high cost of being so far away. The small issues like pest control are very real but at the same time I think we are adjusting and I have found an exterminator I like so between those two things we have the situation under control or at least tolerable. The cost of living is unbelievably high, I saw a pair of Lee jeans that you can probably buy at Sears at the department store here for $150. But it isn’t the cost of clothing that bothers me it’s the cost of food at the grocery store. Now that I have figured out the brands and prices and have tried different things I have come to the conclusion that we are eating lower quality food at higher prices. The meat in particular I have found really expensive so the proteins that are a slightly more reasonable price tend to be what I go with, we are feeding a family of 5, and most nights I find myself frustrated at the poor quality. Living in the UK for 2 years we have been weaned off of the idea that chicken breast must be 3x it’s natural size so it’s not size or quantity but it really is quality. Really tough, full of gristle meat or chicken that is different then I’m used to, somehow stringy. Yet we are still easily spending the $250 per week at the grocery store that we had planned while budgeting as a worst case scenario. Our first electric bill was a real shock especially considering the fact we don’t use any heat or air conditioning. But we are adjusting, I now only hang dry all laundry and I’m learning to work within my options at the store.

We are also finding it much more difficult to meet people than we did in the UK. I am definitely the overfriendly mom and pick up and drop off but I figure if I’m not proactive I won’t meet anyone… Through school and playgroup I have met quite a few people and see them around town but we still haven’t formed the same kind of social group we had before. This takes time and I think Jamie has had a similar experience at work, he really likes everyone but doesn’t yet have the same kind of relationships he had before. I think this is something we knew going into the move, we had gotten really lucky with the group of friends we formed in the UK and it was going to take time to meet people like that again. I am not sure we expected it to be quite as much like Seattle, everyone is really friendly but it’s hard to move past that stage of politeness.

I really am not complaining this place has so many amazing things about it. We saw kangaroos in the Hunter Valley, we’ve seen wales from our deck, we can walk to the beach and you can pretty much plan for good weather every day. Jamie and I were laughing one night, the best part of moving around is you get to experience the best aspects of each place you live. The worst part of moving around is you experience the worst aspects of each place you live. So we like it here, we are settled in, the kids are doing great and we are having fun. We were told that once we lived here we would never want to leave and would try and live here forever. I don’t think that will be the case for us. We like it well enough that we aren’t feeling rushed to leave but we’ll be open to our next adventure, whenever that may be.

End of Year Musings

Advance warning: This is Jamie, infiltrating Nicole’s blog. Call it a guest blog. Or borrowing a space to ramble. Or just poor password protection on Nicole’s behalf. I will not be insulted in the least if you decide at this point to return to your typical tablet browsing and save yourself the 5 minutes of nonsense below. 

 

As we approach the final days of 2013 and are inundated with best of music count downs and commemorative glossies of celebrity candids from the last twelve months, I have been trying to make sense of this last year for myself. It has been an interesting one without question. Good and bad, definitely full. There are moments when I feel like more time has transpired over the last year than a calendar twelve months, that life has packed more into this time than reasonably should, and comparatively more than other years. The immediacy no doubt drives this; I suspect each year around this time I have the sense that much has transpired over the previous twelve months. But 2013 has even with this caveat been full. I suspect that my choices will not set me up for a 100+ year lifespan, but perhaps if I can figure out how to cram 80 years’ worth of experience in 70 years of life, this would not be too bad. Or potentially this only contributes to an earlier expiration and those more planful around me would suggest to relax a bit more, slow down. Next year…

I wanted to share a few things from this last year, a top ten’s list of sorts although hardly a prioritized countdown. More a loosely organized compilation of things that have stuck out for me. Here goes.

 

10. Travel: Although we travelled less than in 2012, this last year saw the Bly’s cover a fair amount of this crazy planet of ours. We celebrated the start of the year in the beautiful city of Edinburgh, wrapped up in scarves and wandering through the Hogmanay madness that is New Year’s in Scotland. We spent a spring week in rural France, exploring the ruins of Normandy and dodging the rain in a centuries old row house lost in the main thoroughfare of some forgotten village. I had an opportunity to hike and distillery tour through the highlands of Scotland with an oldest friend of mine. And Patrick and I headed to the ancestral homeland of Norway with Grandma Bly and cousin Robin, exploring the fjords of Bergen and sampling favourite treats of Grandma’s childhood. The whole troupe made the trip to Seattle to see family and celebrate the little ones’ birthdays this last summer. Little trips in between through Wales and England and France. Castles and Cathedrals and Cheese almost inevitably inspired our journeys. Work took me to Paris and Munich several times, along with a couple of trips to Singapore and of course Seattle again. And then of course there was the one way flight to Australia which I witter on about below (hell of a cliffhanger…). Travel is incredible, and exhausting. I am an anxious mess when the family is trying to deal with transport, pass through security, make a fuss on the plane. But then the other side, regardless of where it is, is a new experience—either somewhere we had not seen in a while or unexperienced altogether. These are moments when I feel that we are cramming more time into the allotment we are given than we would have had we stayed home. Travel is enriching for myself, Nicole and the kids and helps reinforce why we took the leap to begin with and pack up our life for ‘international’ shores. I hope that my children grow up with a wanderlust; Grow to share an eagerness to experience that which is not familiar, meet new people, taste different foods and navigate unfamiliar road signs.

 

9. Commute: At different points we have lived varying distances from work, with corresponding commutes. In the UK, I could be home within 15 minutes in light traffic. In Australia now, we opted for the Northern Beaches, a beautiful peninsula that seems removed from the troubles of the world - beautiful vistas and beaches at every turn, leafy neighbourhoods of likeminded folks and little villages to walk down into and get a coffee and paper. It surprises you that the barista or the postie does not know your name, but give them time. It is that type of place. I digress. The trade-off for the Northern Beaches lifestyle is a fairly long commute - 33 km each way, at times in excess of 90 minutes to get in. Being a bit of an analytical person, I have logged my journey times each day since we moved - depart and arrive and route, determined to find the sweet spot. Interestingly, I have logged ~125 hours commuting over the last 3 months… [I wanted to insert table but Nicole vetoed].

I have not yet found the sweet spot, but I have stumbled on, or rediscovered, a couple of other things:

 

• Pandora, specifically on mobile device: As Pandora is not available in the UK, I was very excited to see that in Australia the service is alive and thriving. My old stations were waiting for me - Roots, Wilco, Modest Mouse; I listened when I could at my desk in between meetings as I had a few years ago. But then I discovered the mobile app which combined with inexpensive mobile data at this point brings Pandora to an entirely different level. I ventured into the world of pre-set stations - singer songwriter channel, indie-folk, etc… All enjoyable. But none more than the awkward 90's Alternative station. Any music credibility vanishes once selected, but how could you not run just a bit faster when the opening 'lalalalala' of Offspring's Self-Esteem comes on, or the deafeningly melodic power chords of the Cranberries' Zombie? And the drive is definitely more enjoyable with STP's Big Empty playing, Pearl Jam's Yellow Leadbetter. Songs I had not heard in ten years, maybe more. Call it nostalgia, or just great music, but it will definitely help the drive time go faster. The other big Pandora discovery for me was 'Today's Comedy Radio' which plays tracks from current comedian recordings. The likes of Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Dane Cook, Daniel Tosh, etc… An incredible way to pass the drive time, almost makes you wish you chose the town just a bit farther on. And BTW (by the way), if your wife is anything like mine, she will love it if you attempt to explain the best jokes to her that you heard on your drive time home. Absolutely will love it. Good stuff.

 

• Mitch in the Morning Podcast: There are some really great podcasts out there - Alec Baldwin's Here's the Thing, Ira Glass's This American Life or any of the Ted Talks channels for example.  But with NFL in play and the Hawks marching straight to the Super Bowl, no podcast has been as valuable as KJR Sport's Mitch in the Morning. With regular guest that include Holmgren, Peter King, Rick Neuheisel and Jason LaCanfora, Mitch's program is the best on air, talk radio at its best. And for someone removed from the 206/425 area, the podcast brings you in. There are mornings litening when I forgot that I am all of the way down here in Australia and am excited to be heading to the game Sunday.

 

8. Wait but Why: Another discovery this year was Tim Urban's blog Wait but Why. In a whimsical manner, he looks at everyday questions and tells a story around this through info graphics, something that I have a strong interest in. A great example is a recent post "How to Name a Baby". Pretty common question, he mentions how all of his friends are having children and he is often asked what do you think of a given name, etc… He then starts to really think about this question - pitfalls to avoid, pros and cons of going timeless vs. going weird, name fads over time and other trends that can be identified in something as simple as what we name our children. How names connect to economics, geography, politics; He is working with large data and drawing great insight, using graphics to help tell the story. This is very similar to what I strive to do at work, although admittedly with much less humor and grace as Tim Urban. A couple of snipbits from the blog below.

 

 

7. Lens: Another blog (http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/) this time from the NY Times, with incredible photojournalism both from current day's events but also guest portfolios from some of the world's greatest. It is telling stories through images at is best, pictures that serve to remind that there is a world beyond the walls of home/car/work. I like taking a peek each morning, it is not really news and not really art, somewhere in between and is always interesting.

 

 

6. Neil Young's Waging Heavy Peace. Great memoir - rambling, confused, honest and inspiring. A fairly open admission of his weaknesses and some incredible accounts of the moments behind the music. A crazy dream to broadcast at scale high quality digital music via cloud. I love artist biographies - Hemingway, Rothko, Camus, etc…, but this memoir is different. A very selective peek through curtains of what once was, and how it was. I have seen Neil Young live, but not Crazy Horse. Someday. Hopefully.

 

 

5. Work: I made a bit of a career tract leap with this job move, leaving the world that I knew and was comfortable in, to one in which I did not know nor am comfortable in. A number of reasons why, not relevant now, but I find myself amidst a team of very finance-y people - Chartered CPAs, accounting humour, slacks. It is a strange place for someone with only a Bachelor's in English Literature to find himself, and only time will tell if a good move or not. But it is interesting. I like the idea of being surrounded by people who think differently than me, that approach the same problem from a different angle and who I have to compel to see things from my side. And I have found this in riches here with a move to a traditional finance function team. I appreciate quantified information (data), I like decisions to be data based and enjoy finding interesting insight in this data. This is a very large element of my job here and I am enjoying it. Even wearing slacks on occasion. Maybe I deep down wanted to be an accountant. But it is exhausting. Every day I am confronted with scenarios that are new to me, information that I do not understand, questions that I do not think to ask. This is the reason for the move - advice from a leader whom I admire suggested that you know when you are really growing by the very uncomfortableness of the role, the aches to be compared to pain in the bones during adolescent growth spurts. In this way I am certain that I am growing, but worn out. I am still glad that I made the leap, but this is based on faith that in time I will understand this view, to ask the questions, to find the insight in the unfamiliar.

 

4. England: When we started to consider moving, whether to go back to US or to pursue something else 'international', we were agreed that we wanted to leave the UK. The miserable rain, the terrible food, the high cost of living. England is old and dark and cold. Yet as we started to pack, England took on a new light. Call it grass is always greener or rose coloured glass in the rear-view mirror, but god do I miss England. What I would do for a pint of 'Pride right now, or the smell of a damp pub, or a drive through the Salisbury plains. All of us do - when asked would we rather move back to US or UK the family resoundingly agrees UK. What happened? We just decided that we wanted to leave, now everyone, even Kellen and Ella, want to move back?? What about the tiny fridge, the stiff upper lips and the miserable rain? Beneath the deep layer of cold, of sarcasm, of alien, is a charm, an English sensibility and immediate familiarity, of shared commiseration of the rain in a cozy pub. A terrible beauty in the desolation of northern Scotland, a forgotten splendour of decaying castles littering the countryside, an energy in an evening out amidst London's bustle. I think what we realized the most was that we made very good friends in England. Friends that go beyond the two years that we were there, friends that we hope to know and see for a long time to come. We also took for granted how easy it was to hop around in England. Sunday drive to Wales. Run down to Belgium for the weekend. Quick flight to Rome to celebrate a kiddo birthday over real pizza. But most of all, England had become my life, all of our lives. Schools, work, grocery, transport, friends, home. I miss home, but it is the UK not US that I think of. This will fade in time of course, but I am not sure I want it to.

 

 

3. Australia: So we headed down under. Way down under. I think the first thing that really struck me about Australia was the sheer distance from anywhere else. A business trip to Singapore is an 8 hour flight. Return to US is 15 hours or more. Even Fiji which seems close is a few hours flight. In London, we could be wandering the bazaars of Istanbul in less time that it would take us now to visit Perth in Western Australia. As mentioned earlier, after spending the first six weeks in the city of Sydney proper, we decided to lay down our stead up north, along the beaches. We stumbled into a house large enough for the three kids to spread out and run, with views of the ocean out both sides of many rooms. I hear the waves first thing when I wake and last thing before I sleep. The beach below is a quick stroll down the hill, maybe a ten minute walk at toddler pace. There we find one of the most renowned beaches in Sydney, a break that Kelly Slater reputedly calls his favourite when  visiting (he at one time owned a house in the village 500 meters north of us). The community is small and friendly, we can walk to the library or coffee or a nice dinner out of the house. And surrounding us, as we are on an isthmus of sorts, is a gross abundance of beautiful little beaches and parks, on the calm bay side or open ocean depending on your mood. I have been able to surf again for the first time in several years. The kids are natural beach babies and Patrick is having the time of his life meeting up with friends and heading for the beach, all just within a few minutes' walk back in time for dinner. It is almost unreal. But the trade-off is the commute and the bugs and the cost of living. Nicole had a funny example of cheap Maybeline mascara - she took a pic to send her mom of it advertised in a local drugstore for $18.99, when the same package is sold for less than $5 in the US. I am looking for a new pair of weekend shoes, something to beat around town in and decided the Nike Free would be a good fit. They retail around $100 at Nordstrom in the US, whereas here at the local mall I found the same pair for $250. Co-workers try to explain money market dynamics, small population preventing scale distribution, etc… but I believe the prices are set based solely on what people will pay for them. Not distribution or exchange, but with a minimum wage of $17 and very little poverty, the country can afford to shell out $500 for a new tyre (one, not four). Beyond the sticker shock, the place really is Xanadu. Beautiful beyond comprehension, friendly people, temperate and laid back. Nicole admitted that she had only worn socks once since we arrived in Australia. I have not seen Patrick or Kellen in long pants since we arrived. People grocery shop barefoot and a swimsuit is acceptable attire anywhere outside the office. It is like the normal world, just slightly off. It makes you wonder - will the kids grow to under appreciate a sunny day when every day is sunny? Will our kids grow up to be annoyingly happy people, full of optimism and tan lines, without a good sense of scepticism and humour? With any fortune, we will be off again in a few years, get these guys back in the cold somewhere and snap normal life back into them. But until then, this sure is nice.

  

2. Loss: I remember thinking at the close of 2012 that with Meagan's passing, we had all been through a lot, hoping that 2013 would be absent of grief and loss. A year to try to pick pieces up, to find normalcy again. Unfortunately this year has taken three very special people from us, and left a gap at the Pelaez family table that will never be filled. So many have said so much, I do not know what I could add. But the year has been difficult, watching my wife struggle so much with each passing, knowing what the rest of the family is going through so far from us each day. Nicole's Abuelito had been sick for some time, and the thought that he was re-joining his life's love after so many years apart is comforting. Don Pepe was the first to really open his arms wide and welcome me into this family full of music and laughter and love that has over the years become my own. And Marina now, who was, is my buddy and it seems just a week ago I was teasing her and had her laughing over something unimportant. Marina and Andy welcomed Patrick in as their own grandchild, made him feel like the prince that he really is. Kellen and Ella still expect a call from Tia Mia anytime and will not understand for a long time to come that this beautiful person is no longer in their lives or ours anymore.

 

1. Bly Family: Somehow this year has made me appreciate how my immediate family is becoming a collective identity, the Blys if you will. You marry, have kids and are a family, but of still fairly individual identities, joined but not one. As the little kiddos get older and develop personalities of their own, through this develops a family identity. Patrick, Kellen and Ella are unquestionably of our family - in sensibility, in identity, in humour (for better or worse). I have never been as proud to be dad, husband, partner in this crazy bunch. I am inspired how the kids blossomed in England, success in school and friends and interests. It seems the kids too grew more than a year in 2013 than 12 months allows. And with Australia, they have embraced the new environment, Patrick arriving home from class the first day beaming about how much he loved it, Kellen excited to turn in early in anticipation of school in the morning where he would learn to take shoes off before going outside, hear a traditional didgeridoo, practice meditation, just play with friends. And Ella in her ballet, playgroups. She has become the force in the house, a little lady as bright as she is beautiful and with determination to match. The kids are resilient, and welcome the new opportunity and experiences. My incredible wife standing beside, leading the race down the beach into the water and making us a home in this foreign land. An international move we were told can either cause collapse or bring the family closer together. Fortunately we have only experienced the latter.