End of Year Musings

Advance warning: This is Jamie, infiltrating Nicole’s blog. Call it a guest blog. Or borrowing a space to ramble. Or just poor password protection on Nicole’s behalf. I will not be insulted in the least if you decide at this point to return to your typical tablet browsing and save yourself the 5 minutes of nonsense below. 

 

As we approach the final days of 2013 and are inundated with best of music count downs and commemorative glossies of celebrity candids from the last twelve months, I have been trying to make sense of this last year for myself. It has been an interesting one without question. Good and bad, definitely full. There are moments when I feel like more time has transpired over the last year than a calendar twelve months, that life has packed more into this time than reasonably should, and comparatively more than other years. The immediacy no doubt drives this; I suspect each year around this time I have the sense that much has transpired over the previous twelve months. But 2013 has even with this caveat been full. I suspect that my choices will not set me up for a 100+ year lifespan, but perhaps if I can figure out how to cram 80 years’ worth of experience in 70 years of life, this would not be too bad. Or potentially this only contributes to an earlier expiration and those more planful around me would suggest to relax a bit more, slow down. Next year…

I wanted to share a few things from this last year, a top ten’s list of sorts although hardly a prioritized countdown. More a loosely organized compilation of things that have stuck out for me. Here goes.

 

10. Travel: Although we travelled less than in 2012, this last year saw the Bly’s cover a fair amount of this crazy planet of ours. We celebrated the start of the year in the beautiful city of Edinburgh, wrapped up in scarves and wandering through the Hogmanay madness that is New Year’s in Scotland. We spent a spring week in rural France, exploring the ruins of Normandy and dodging the rain in a centuries old row house lost in the main thoroughfare of some forgotten village. I had an opportunity to hike and distillery tour through the highlands of Scotland with an oldest friend of mine. And Patrick and I headed to the ancestral homeland of Norway with Grandma Bly and cousin Robin, exploring the fjords of Bergen and sampling favourite treats of Grandma’s childhood. The whole troupe made the trip to Seattle to see family and celebrate the little ones’ birthdays this last summer. Little trips in between through Wales and England and France. Castles and Cathedrals and Cheese almost inevitably inspired our journeys. Work took me to Paris and Munich several times, along with a couple of trips to Singapore and of course Seattle again. And then of course there was the one way flight to Australia which I witter on about below (hell of a cliffhanger…). Travel is incredible, and exhausting. I am an anxious mess when the family is trying to deal with transport, pass through security, make a fuss on the plane. But then the other side, regardless of where it is, is a new experience—either somewhere we had not seen in a while or unexperienced altogether. These are moments when I feel that we are cramming more time into the allotment we are given than we would have had we stayed home. Travel is enriching for myself, Nicole and the kids and helps reinforce why we took the leap to begin with and pack up our life for ‘international’ shores. I hope that my children grow up with a wanderlust; Grow to share an eagerness to experience that which is not familiar, meet new people, taste different foods and navigate unfamiliar road signs.

 

9. Commute: At different points we have lived varying distances from work, with corresponding commutes. In the UK, I could be home within 15 minutes in light traffic. In Australia now, we opted for the Northern Beaches, a beautiful peninsula that seems removed from the troubles of the world - beautiful vistas and beaches at every turn, leafy neighbourhoods of likeminded folks and little villages to walk down into and get a coffee and paper. It surprises you that the barista or the postie does not know your name, but give them time. It is that type of place. I digress. The trade-off for the Northern Beaches lifestyle is a fairly long commute - 33 km each way, at times in excess of 90 minutes to get in. Being a bit of an analytical person, I have logged my journey times each day since we moved - depart and arrive and route, determined to find the sweet spot. Interestingly, I have logged ~125 hours commuting over the last 3 months… [I wanted to insert table but Nicole vetoed].

I have not yet found the sweet spot, but I have stumbled on, or rediscovered, a couple of other things:

 

• Pandora, specifically on mobile device: As Pandora is not available in the UK, I was very excited to see that in Australia the service is alive and thriving. My old stations were waiting for me - Roots, Wilco, Modest Mouse; I listened when I could at my desk in between meetings as I had a few years ago. But then I discovered the mobile app which combined with inexpensive mobile data at this point brings Pandora to an entirely different level. I ventured into the world of pre-set stations - singer songwriter channel, indie-folk, etc… All enjoyable. But none more than the awkward 90's Alternative station. Any music credibility vanishes once selected, but how could you not run just a bit faster when the opening 'lalalalala' of Offspring's Self-Esteem comes on, or the deafeningly melodic power chords of the Cranberries' Zombie? And the drive is definitely more enjoyable with STP's Big Empty playing, Pearl Jam's Yellow Leadbetter. Songs I had not heard in ten years, maybe more. Call it nostalgia, or just great music, but it will definitely help the drive time go faster. The other big Pandora discovery for me was 'Today's Comedy Radio' which plays tracks from current comedian recordings. The likes of Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Dane Cook, Daniel Tosh, etc… An incredible way to pass the drive time, almost makes you wish you chose the town just a bit farther on. And BTW (by the way), if your wife is anything like mine, she will love it if you attempt to explain the best jokes to her that you heard on your drive time home. Absolutely will love it. Good stuff.

 

• Mitch in the Morning Podcast: There are some really great podcasts out there - Alec Baldwin's Here's the Thing, Ira Glass's This American Life or any of the Ted Talks channels for example.  But with NFL in play and the Hawks marching straight to the Super Bowl, no podcast has been as valuable as KJR Sport's Mitch in the Morning. With regular guest that include Holmgren, Peter King, Rick Neuheisel and Jason LaCanfora, Mitch's program is the best on air, talk radio at its best. And for someone removed from the 206/425 area, the podcast brings you in. There are mornings litening when I forgot that I am all of the way down here in Australia and am excited to be heading to the game Sunday.

 

8. Wait but Why: Another discovery this year was Tim Urban's blog Wait but Why. In a whimsical manner, he looks at everyday questions and tells a story around this through info graphics, something that I have a strong interest in. A great example is a recent post "How to Name a Baby". Pretty common question, he mentions how all of his friends are having children and he is often asked what do you think of a given name, etc… He then starts to really think about this question - pitfalls to avoid, pros and cons of going timeless vs. going weird, name fads over time and other trends that can be identified in something as simple as what we name our children. How names connect to economics, geography, politics; He is working with large data and drawing great insight, using graphics to help tell the story. This is very similar to what I strive to do at work, although admittedly with much less humor and grace as Tim Urban. A couple of snipbits from the blog below.

 

 

7. Lens: Another blog (http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/) this time from the NY Times, with incredible photojournalism both from current day's events but also guest portfolios from some of the world's greatest. It is telling stories through images at is best, pictures that serve to remind that there is a world beyond the walls of home/car/work. I like taking a peek each morning, it is not really news and not really art, somewhere in between and is always interesting.

 

 

6. Neil Young's Waging Heavy Peace. Great memoir - rambling, confused, honest and inspiring. A fairly open admission of his weaknesses and some incredible accounts of the moments behind the music. A crazy dream to broadcast at scale high quality digital music via cloud. I love artist biographies - Hemingway, Rothko, Camus, etc…, but this memoir is different. A very selective peek through curtains of what once was, and how it was. I have seen Neil Young live, but not Crazy Horse. Someday. Hopefully.

 

 

5. Work: I made a bit of a career tract leap with this job move, leaving the world that I knew and was comfortable in, to one in which I did not know nor am comfortable in. A number of reasons why, not relevant now, but I find myself amidst a team of very finance-y people - Chartered CPAs, accounting humour, slacks. It is a strange place for someone with only a Bachelor's in English Literature to find himself, and only time will tell if a good move or not. But it is interesting. I like the idea of being surrounded by people who think differently than me, that approach the same problem from a different angle and who I have to compel to see things from my side. And I have found this in riches here with a move to a traditional finance function team. I appreciate quantified information (data), I like decisions to be data based and enjoy finding interesting insight in this data. This is a very large element of my job here and I am enjoying it. Even wearing slacks on occasion. Maybe I deep down wanted to be an accountant. But it is exhausting. Every day I am confronted with scenarios that are new to me, information that I do not understand, questions that I do not think to ask. This is the reason for the move - advice from a leader whom I admire suggested that you know when you are really growing by the very uncomfortableness of the role, the aches to be compared to pain in the bones during adolescent growth spurts. In this way I am certain that I am growing, but worn out. I am still glad that I made the leap, but this is based on faith that in time I will understand this view, to ask the questions, to find the insight in the unfamiliar.

 

4. England: When we started to consider moving, whether to go back to US or to pursue something else 'international', we were agreed that we wanted to leave the UK. The miserable rain, the terrible food, the high cost of living. England is old and dark and cold. Yet as we started to pack, England took on a new light. Call it grass is always greener or rose coloured glass in the rear-view mirror, but god do I miss England. What I would do for a pint of 'Pride right now, or the smell of a damp pub, or a drive through the Salisbury plains. All of us do - when asked would we rather move back to US or UK the family resoundingly agrees UK. What happened? We just decided that we wanted to leave, now everyone, even Kellen and Ella, want to move back?? What about the tiny fridge, the stiff upper lips and the miserable rain? Beneath the deep layer of cold, of sarcasm, of alien, is a charm, an English sensibility and immediate familiarity, of shared commiseration of the rain in a cozy pub. A terrible beauty in the desolation of northern Scotland, a forgotten splendour of decaying castles littering the countryside, an energy in an evening out amidst London's bustle. I think what we realized the most was that we made very good friends in England. Friends that go beyond the two years that we were there, friends that we hope to know and see for a long time to come. We also took for granted how easy it was to hop around in England. Sunday drive to Wales. Run down to Belgium for the weekend. Quick flight to Rome to celebrate a kiddo birthday over real pizza. But most of all, England had become my life, all of our lives. Schools, work, grocery, transport, friends, home. I miss home, but it is the UK not US that I think of. This will fade in time of course, but I am not sure I want it to.

 

 

3. Australia: So we headed down under. Way down under. I think the first thing that really struck me about Australia was the sheer distance from anywhere else. A business trip to Singapore is an 8 hour flight. Return to US is 15 hours or more. Even Fiji which seems close is a few hours flight. In London, we could be wandering the bazaars of Istanbul in less time that it would take us now to visit Perth in Western Australia. As mentioned earlier, after spending the first six weeks in the city of Sydney proper, we decided to lay down our stead up north, along the beaches. We stumbled into a house large enough for the three kids to spread out and run, with views of the ocean out both sides of many rooms. I hear the waves first thing when I wake and last thing before I sleep. The beach below is a quick stroll down the hill, maybe a ten minute walk at toddler pace. There we find one of the most renowned beaches in Sydney, a break that Kelly Slater reputedly calls his favourite when  visiting (he at one time owned a house in the village 500 meters north of us). The community is small and friendly, we can walk to the library or coffee or a nice dinner out of the house. And surrounding us, as we are on an isthmus of sorts, is a gross abundance of beautiful little beaches and parks, on the calm bay side or open ocean depending on your mood. I have been able to surf again for the first time in several years. The kids are natural beach babies and Patrick is having the time of his life meeting up with friends and heading for the beach, all just within a few minutes' walk back in time for dinner. It is almost unreal. But the trade-off is the commute and the bugs and the cost of living. Nicole had a funny example of cheap Maybeline mascara - she took a pic to send her mom of it advertised in a local drugstore for $18.99, when the same package is sold for less than $5 in the US. I am looking for a new pair of weekend shoes, something to beat around town in and decided the Nike Free would be a good fit. They retail around $100 at Nordstrom in the US, whereas here at the local mall I found the same pair for $250. Co-workers try to explain money market dynamics, small population preventing scale distribution, etc… but I believe the prices are set based solely on what people will pay for them. Not distribution or exchange, but with a minimum wage of $17 and very little poverty, the country can afford to shell out $500 for a new tyre (one, not four). Beyond the sticker shock, the place really is Xanadu. Beautiful beyond comprehension, friendly people, temperate and laid back. Nicole admitted that she had only worn socks once since we arrived in Australia. I have not seen Patrick or Kellen in long pants since we arrived. People grocery shop barefoot and a swimsuit is acceptable attire anywhere outside the office. It is like the normal world, just slightly off. It makes you wonder - will the kids grow to under appreciate a sunny day when every day is sunny? Will our kids grow up to be annoyingly happy people, full of optimism and tan lines, without a good sense of scepticism and humour? With any fortune, we will be off again in a few years, get these guys back in the cold somewhere and snap normal life back into them. But until then, this sure is nice.

  

2. Loss: I remember thinking at the close of 2012 that with Meagan's passing, we had all been through a lot, hoping that 2013 would be absent of grief and loss. A year to try to pick pieces up, to find normalcy again. Unfortunately this year has taken three very special people from us, and left a gap at the Pelaez family table that will never be filled. So many have said so much, I do not know what I could add. But the year has been difficult, watching my wife struggle so much with each passing, knowing what the rest of the family is going through so far from us each day. Nicole's Abuelito had been sick for some time, and the thought that he was re-joining his life's love after so many years apart is comforting. Don Pepe was the first to really open his arms wide and welcome me into this family full of music and laughter and love that has over the years become my own. And Marina now, who was, is my buddy and it seems just a week ago I was teasing her and had her laughing over something unimportant. Marina and Andy welcomed Patrick in as their own grandchild, made him feel like the prince that he really is. Kellen and Ella still expect a call from Tia Mia anytime and will not understand for a long time to come that this beautiful person is no longer in their lives or ours anymore.

 

1. Bly Family: Somehow this year has made me appreciate how my immediate family is becoming a collective identity, the Blys if you will. You marry, have kids and are a family, but of still fairly individual identities, joined but not one. As the little kiddos get older and develop personalities of their own, through this develops a family identity. Patrick, Kellen and Ella are unquestionably of our family - in sensibility, in identity, in humour (for better or worse). I have never been as proud to be dad, husband, partner in this crazy bunch. I am inspired how the kids blossomed in England, success in school and friends and interests. It seems the kids too grew more than a year in 2013 than 12 months allows. And with Australia, they have embraced the new environment, Patrick arriving home from class the first day beaming about how much he loved it, Kellen excited to turn in early in anticipation of school in the morning where he would learn to take shoes off before going outside, hear a traditional didgeridoo, practice meditation, just play with friends. And Ella in her ballet, playgroups. She has become the force in the house, a little lady as bright as she is beautiful and with determination to match. The kids are resilient, and welcome the new opportunity and experiences. My incredible wife standing beside, leading the race down the beach into the water and making us a home in this foreign land. An international move we were told can either cause collapse or bring the family closer together. Fortunately we have only experienced the latter.

Grief

I started this blog as a way to update family and friends on how we are doing, observations from an international move and to hopefully share our experiences with everyone back home. It has become a way for me to do that but I have also found that when I have something on my mind writing it out helps me think it through so I’ve found myself posting about politics and parenting and things in between. The one thing I never intended the blog to be was a tool for mourning yet we just lost our 4^th family member since moving and once again I find myself sitting down to use writing as a tool for sorting through the emotions. Being far away it is a way to add my memories to the conversations I know are happening back home and in a way eulogizing the people we have lost. These are the posts I wish I didn’t have to write yet find that writing them somehow helps. I am committed to writing a much lighter post about the things we have been doing and how the kids are changing in the next few weeks but for today all of my thoughts and emotions are overwhelmed with a feelings of grief, loss and sometimes rage.

I have always had a special relationship with Mia, she was my godmother and aunt. When I was little she was the person who I would spend the night with and get to have my nails painted. This may not seem like a big deal but my Dad was not a fan of nail polish so it was a special treat to get to leave Mia’s with pink painted nails. She has just always been there at every big moment birthdays, graduations, I think she arrived at the hospital at almost the same time I did with both babies and came back multiple times. We would talk on the phone at least once a week and I think she was second only to my mom in the interest level in every little thing the kids were doing. I would complain about the things they would do and she would laugh about the preciosos, I would tell her no Mia they are trouble makers not preciosos and she would just laugh. The kids would cram in front of the computer to Skype with Tia Mia and when we were in Seattle they were allowed to run rampant through her very white and very clean house. But it wasn’t just the phone calls, which I don’t think she knew how much they helped me too, while she was recuperating I was isolated in new places. She was just a part of our life. The cookbook she made for the nieces filled with recipes used by her and Abuelita is one of the most used cookbooks in our house. Every time I made something Jamie would have to tell me that it was good but it wasn’t Marina’s. He loved to tease her and get her laughing, since we found out he just keeps repeating that just a week ago he had her on the phone laughing how can this be happening? We all loved her very much and the thought of not being able to call her or see her is something that just hasn’t sunk in yet. I just feel very sad.

 

What is so frustrating is that she had to deal with so much over the last year. Going into her surgery there is no way she could have known the prolonged series of surgeries and hospital stays she would have to endure over the course of the year. Arthritis is thought of as something that makes people sore or limits mobility but it can be so much more cruel and debilitating. Then I wonder how can one family deal with so much? Losing Abuelito was difficult, then losing Pepe was a shock that people are still trying to make sense of. Going into this holiday season everyone knew it was going to be hard and sad and something that everyone just had to get through and now we’ve lost Mia. I’m angry. I’m angry that my Dad and my Tio have had to lose their father and two siblings in such a short period of time, how are you supposed to handle that? I’m angry that my cousins still dealing with the grief of losing their Dad now have to start the process all over again. I’m angry that Andy has to figure out how to move forward without her. I’m so angry. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do. Can only so many good things happen before something bad happens to balance it out? Have we done something to deserve so much loss in such a short period of time? I can’t make sense of it and it makes me feel an overwhelming sense of rage and frustration that I can’t protect my family and I can’t stop this and it can’t be changed and it’s just painful and unfair for everyone.

So really it is just overwhelming grief. I’ve lost someone who I loved very much and was a special part of my life. I feel grief for my parents and everything they have had to go through over the last year. I feel grief for my cousins knowing the emotions they are going through too. I’m thankful that Patrick is old enough to love and remember Mia but I’m sad that the little kids are so little they won’t remember eating almost an entire watermelon on Mia’s deck. I am thankful though that my parents will be here in less than two weeks and I am going to do my best to make sure they have a real break and hopefully get to relax after such an exhausting year.

 

The Talk

I know I’m long overdue on posting about Australia and I will soon but I have a question rolling around in my head and I’m very curious to hear about other people’s experiences with their teenagers. Last year I attending a GCSE evening at Patrick’s school and the head teacher was discussing the different tracks the students could take based on their academic performance and long term goals. The way it works in the UK some students would be out of school and into either apprenticeships or the workforce within 2 years, some 3 and most likely a technical school or in Patrick’s case 4 years and then university. As I was sitting there and he was talking about preparing kids to enter the real world it hit me that 4 years isn’t very long and we have this short period of time to prepare Patrick to really be independent. Up until know it has been about teaching him the intangible things that make up a person, how he treats other people, manners, the importance of school, how to love each other as a family. For the next few days I found myself making a list of skills he needs in order to function outside of our home. I am definitely guilty of just doing things myself because it’s easier and I realized that I need to let/make him do some things on his own. I don’t go get laundry out of his room, I at least want him to bring it to me, but I do all the laundry. He has always done little things with me like make cookies but really we haven’t taught him to cook. Jamie needs to teach him how to mow the lawn. All of these little skills that he should know when he does live on his own. Some of these things will come naturally with time, we will teach him how to drive but not at 14. But more importantly I have the Talk in my head about choices that I want to have with him. Shortly after the GCSE night I was telling my girlfriends about this and they were saying that it’s a very American idea that everything that happens to you is a result of choices you personally make but in a lot of ways they agreed with the overall premise. Maybe it’s too many conversations with my Mom about different people and the situations they find themselves in and she will mention that it is a series of choices they have made over the years that lead to where they are today. So here is The Talk I want to have with Patrick and in reality I think it’s a series of smaller talks and conversations over the next few years.

What I really want Patrick to understand is that he will be making a series of decisions. Some of these decisions will be big ones and they will feel like big decisions; do I go to university? Do I want to marry this person? Am I ready to start a family? I hope that we have long conversations as each of those decisions come up like I know Jamie and I did with our parents and I’m not as concerned with those ones because he is a thoughtful boy. I think the tricky part is the decisions that seem small but have a potentially big impact on his long term options. Do I go out drinking with my buddies and skip class for the 3^rd day in a row? Does it really matter if I don’t use protection this one time? Do I drive myself home instead of taking a cab? Should I just buy this thing I really want even though I know I can’t afford it? I think each of those types of decisions feels like a small momentary thing but in the long run decisions like those are what can throw someone off path. I really want him to understand that I think we all have made the wrong decision many times, I can remember plenty of times heading into an early meeting with a splitting headache wishing I had skipped happy hour the night before. Jamie and I are still learning about where and how we want to spend our money and those priorities have shifted over the last 5 years as our family has grown and our locations have changed. I’m sure we’ll have to keep learning over the next 25 years. Looking back I feel that I accepted the wrong job when I joined the small recruiting agency. It wasn’t a good fit, I didn’t do well there and I hated it every day but I learned from it and realized that a big company is a better fit for me and then I actively pursued working for Microsoft. He will make bad choices, or maybe choices that aren’t bad but not the ‘right’ choice and then he’ll have to learn how to take responsibility and make things right for himself and I think that is a good thing too.

I want him to understand that sometimes you just get lucky too. When I think of this move to Australia I feel so lucky that there were leaders in the finance org that helped Jamie network and put him in touch with the right people to give him really valuable advice on his career plan and what jobs fit in well for both the long and short term. Had they not taken that extra step I don’t think we would be here today just by submitting a resume through the internal career site. But then I stop and think of how hard Jamie works and how much thought and prep he put into each of those conversations even though they weren’t even interviews, how he has worked long hours since joining the company to earn a good review history and good reputation. Things don’t just get handed to you through no effort on your part. At the same time I want him to know that sometimes you can just have bad luck. People get sick, accidents happen, some things may be harder than you anticipated. I think of family members who have dealt with serious illnesses and there is no way you can just decide your way out of those situations. But, knock on wood, should anything like that ever happen he does have us and we band together and figure it out.

I don’t think this process ends, or at least I haven’t reached the point in my life where you stop feeling like you trying to make the right decision. We’ve discussed and agonized over big decisions like whether or not to move and then again whether to move. Does the benefit of the exposure Patrick is getting outweigh the social strain of moving a teenager twice in 2 years? I don’t know. We tried to make what we thought was the right decision and if a year from now we find that we made the wrong one we’ll do everything we can to try and make it right. But I still feel like I make small decisions every day and I know I don’t make the right ones all the time. Do I lose my temper with the little ones every now and then? How do we set the rules? What rules do we set? How do we give Patrick enough freedom but also keep a close eye on him over the next few years? These are all things I’m trying to do well each day but don’t always succeed at, but I’m trying to learn.

So my question is this. How do you teach these things to a teenager without making them afraid to wake up in the morning in case they make the wrong decision? I never want him to be afraid to fail or set big goals. This isn’t about being perfect. I want him to understand that while we will always be here and be support he is the one who will make this happen for himself. My plan is to start naturally with smaller conversations as different topics come up but by the time he moves to school I hope the message is cemented in his brain. I also think we should probably teach him how to turn on a lawnmower someday soon.

Dear Virgin Airlines Customer Service

Dear Virgin Airlines,

I am writing you this letter through the blog because after a series of completely frustrating experiences I can’t even use your online feedback form because of the character limit. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

My family and I recently relocated from London to Sydney and we needed to book our travel with a stop in Seattle in between. We figured that 5 people flying LHR to LAX, LAX to SEA (roundtrip) and then LAX to SYD we would be getting a fair amount of miles so wanted to try and book through one airline. Since Virgin has Virgin Atlantic, Virgin America and Virgin Australia it seemed like a good fit. We debated using Alaska Airlines for the flights between LAX and SEA as they were cheaper but my hope was that we could check our bags through without having to collect them at LAX only to recheck them for the next flight. Before booking I called your customer service line as the flights were under separate bookings, some done through our relocation and some paid for personally, I was assured that it would be the discretion of the person checking us in but we should have no problems checking the bags through to our final destination so we went ahead and booked all of our travel with Virgin.

Finally our travel date arrived and I should have known how the experience would go as soon as we checked in. Either the person checking us in used their discretion to make an already difficult day of travel more difficult for me traveling on my own with 3 kids or the person on your customer service line was just wrong. We were unable to check our bags through so as I boarded the 11+ hour flight from LHR to LAX I had a difficult connection already to look forward to. We got on our flight, got the kids settled and soon enough the meal service started. I was informed that there were no kid’s meals booked for my 2 and 4 year old. It turns out that this was AMEX Travel’s mistake so there were no kids meals allocated for my kids. By the time the meal options got to our row there was only one option and I could hardly eat it let alone my toddlers. There was no other option. Shame on me, I should have been loaded with snacks for them but in our experience with British Airways there are always snacks available to walk up and get so I assumed the experience would be similar and food was just another thing to carry around in an already overloaded set of carry ons. Once snacks were available for sale I bought as many small containers of pringles and packages of Haribos that I could so that they could have something to eat. The flight attendant even made a comment about how much I was buying and I informed her that it was all the kids had to eat. Finally about 8 hours into the flight a flight attendant from first class walked by our aisle and from one look could tell that the flight wasn’t going well. When she stopped to ask if we needed anything I said the only thing I need is food and she immediately got together a plate of fruit and cheese from first class, she was a total life saver. Here is why this is so frustrating, I now know that the mistake was made by AMEX and I understand that it isn’t a restaurant when you are flying; the options are what they are. I spent 8 hours on a very long flight with kids who hadn’t eaten, I asked multiple people if there were any food options they could have, anything I could buy, and was told no there was nothing. I was just looking for a shred of empathy, maybe an extra little packet of pretzels or whatever the free snack was, anything. It took 8 hours and one person who seemed to understand the situation to get a few grapes and blocks of cheddar.

We finally arrived in LAX got our baggage only to turn around and recheck our baggage and then get the kids fed. After 11+ hours wide awake on the first flight luckily the 5 of us slept through the LAX to SEA flight.

3 weeks later we were ready to go on the 2^nd half of our trip and head from SEA to SYD with a connection in LAX. Once again we were told we couldn’t check our bags through but this time I expected it. Our flight from SEA to LAX was uneventful until we arrived only to find that the wheel had been broken off of our gate checked stroller. Since we had to get our bags and then check in for our long flight we couldn’t spend much time in baggage claim and needed to move on. Once we were checked in again and at the gate I approached the Virgin desk to ask about the stroller and what I needed to do to have it repaired. I was told that the only thing I could do was go back to baggage claim and deal with it there but there probably wasn’t time before my flight. I asked if I could do anything once we arrived in Sydney and the guy honestly said “I can’t cut you a check if that’s what you’re looking for.” If I was already frustrated by the stroller wheel I was just aggravated further by the helpful customer service. No I wasn’t looking for a check, I just wanted to find out how to get the wheel fixed as I was going to have no access to another stroller for another 8 weeks. Again given our experience up to that point it just reinforced our impression of Virgin. In all fairness I should say the inflight service from LAX to SYD was great. They were helpful and nice and everything went smoothly.

So now here we are in Sydney, we finally have an address and while I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin again with ticket prices from SYD to SEA we will most likely be in the position to fly based on price not service. I signed up for our frequent flyer account and as I went to enter our first flight I received a message that as it has been more than 30 days we can no longer claim the miles. So I of course call the customer service number on the screen hoping maybe if I talk to someone or there might be a process to follow to get an exception. The girl spent about 2 minutes on the phone with me and just said that it’s pretty clear on the website, essentially why was I calling her?

It seems that every step of the way has been just a little more difficult than it should be. From checking in, the flight experience, damaging our things and now trying to claim the miles. Any one of these things might be a minor frustration but the consistently bad experience has been kind of unbelievable. I know there are people that travel what we do all year in a month so one family choosing not to fly Virgin again really has no impact and there is really no resolution I’m looking for.

All I can do now is warn friends and family that you should not fly Virgin! Sure the domestic US flights have cool lighting and they play hip hop at the check in desk, that’s awesome if I was 19. If you have any interest in the actual experience, safety of your baggage, etc. I would go elsewhere.

Thank you,

Nicole

Whirlwind

Life has been busy and unpredictable since the last time I posted. I’ve started numerous posts over the last 2 months but finding time to sit and finish one has proved challenging. We left in England in early July with heavy hearts. I really underestimated how at home we felt there and saying goodbye to friends was difficult. There were multiple times when we asked ourselves whether or not we had made the right decision to go and over the last 2 months I have felt times of homesickness, surprisingly as I’m trying to figure out new brands at the local grocery store I find myself homesick for Waitrose and not Top Foods. But I was so excited to have time in Seattle and not just a quick week where you see everyone for an hour and then you’re off but a full 3 weeks to spend with Grandparents and cousins.

Seattle was wonderful. Getting real time with family, the convenience of actually getting things done quickly, going to Target and Starbucks, it felt like a real vacation. After being away for 2 years I also noticed things that I don’t think I ever did before. First of all the parking lots, instead of a town being made up of buildings or store fronts the bulk of the space is giant parking lots with stores set way back. I had to run some errands the first day and went into Woodinville with my Mom. Instead of driving to one store then driving to another I suggested we just walk. We had to cut through a giant parking lot with no clear path for walking and nearly got hit by multiple cars. So not only is the town not set up to actually be walkable but it was downright dangerous as I cut through with a 4 year old and a stroller. No wonder we never walked anywhere. The second thing would be the cars. Seriously people unless you are responsible for feeding an NFL team you do not need an Escalade at the grocery store. You just don’t. There are actually some really interesting options out there for seating a large family that don’t double your grocery bill when you factor in the cost of gas to get to and from the store. The general size of the cars is shocking. I get the need for a bigger car, we really like having the option of 3^rd row pop up seats so poor Patrick isn’t crammed between 2 car seats on long drives, and I understand some people need more space. I’m not antiSUV but there are so many that are big just for the purpose of being bigger than all the others. There were also things I missed and never fully appreciated before leaving the US. In England we were trying to work through getting some documents certified so we could open our Australian bank account. I had been to our bank twice, had an appointment with a solicitor’s office (attorney) and no one was able to certify the documents. The bureaucracy can be suffocating at times in the UK, we heard that it doesn’t specifically say UK solicitor, the bank didn’t want to do it due to anti money laundering precautions, then they said they would do it, etc. It was painful, frustrating and time consuming. I got to our First Tech branch, walked in with the documents; a woman notarized them within 15 minutes. I was then able to drive to the FedEx store and have them on their way to Australia all within about 45 minutes. It was amazing.

Most importantly we got to spend time with family. Jamie’s grandparents and 2 of his cousins were in town. We were able to go out to Ocean Shores for a relaxed weekend. We were able to sit around with my parents and just talk, have breakfast out on the deck. Good time with uncles, aunts, and cousins. It really was so nice. I also made a point to go visit Abuelito a few times with the kids. My Dad had been keeping me up to date on his health and how he was doing. I knew they had been working with hospice for a while before I got there so even before arriving I understood that this would most likely be my last chance to spend time with Abuelito. When we saw him it was so nice to be around him but also bittersweet. He was obviously not doing well and had lost a lot of weight. He recognized me and I think understood that these were my kids. We had lunch with him one day and just visited another. I feel so thankful that I had that time with my Dad and Abuelito together. It was a few days after we arrived in Australia that my parents called to tell me Abuelito had passed away. It is sad and of course emotional but it is also comforting to know he is no longer forced to live a reduced quality of life. He was 92 years old and his health was failing. There are times when someone’s passing is sad but also makes sense and it feels like a natural cycle so there is comfort in that. I’m just so grateful I had that time in Seattle to spend with him. For me when someone passes away I find myself thinking of memories I hadn’t thought about in a long time. With Abuelito I find myself thinking of Abuelito as he was before his stroke. Picking us up from school each day, singing Cachito, sneaking us to McDonalds, all of the little things both he and Abuelita did for us everyday and I just feel so lucky we were able to be so close to them. I’ve always loved Skype but especially in a time like that being able to Skype with Mia and Andy and my parents has been a great way to feel connected and feel like I might not be there but hopefully provide them with some support.

So we found ourselves in a new country and trying to get settled while at the same time wishing we could be closer to our family during such a difficult time. It was all the more shocking when I got another phone call early in the morning my time to hear that Pepe had passed away. This one is different, he wasn’t in his 90s it doesn’t feel like a sense of comfort it feels too soon and too painful. I don’t understand why things work the way they do but it feels like too much at once for one family. To lose a brother on the same day you bury your dad isn’t fair. This has been a totally different experience and a different type of grief. I have my own sense of loss and memories, Jamie always talks about the first time he met my family and what an impression Don Pepe made. I can hear his voice calling me Nicole P. and double trouble. Then even more frustrating is seeing what my dad is going through and hearing the emotion when I talk to Mia. Talking to Amy and only being able to imagine everything she must be feeling. It’s just too much sometimes.  We’ve lived away from family for 2 years now and will have missed friend’s weddings, 2 funerals and who knows how many more important moments in the lives of people we care about. I don’t know at what point the cost of being away is too high. I mentioned this to Mia and she told me the alternative is never going anywhere in case you miss something and I know we don’t want to do that either. I guess this is one of those questions you won’t know the answer to until you are looking back in hindsight. One day I’m sure we’ll be back in Seattle and be able to really weigh the benefits of all of the experiences we’ve gained against the things we’ve missed.

Now here in Australia we are almost settled. We move into our house on Monday and our things should be delivered the following Monday as long as there are no major delays in customs. Everyone had said that it is a mix of the UK and the US and I would say that is pretty accurate although I would say it is much more like the US than I anticipated. You do drive on the left and a lot of the terms they use are closer to the British but the stores and so far efficiency seems closer to the US. It is amazingly expensive. The first time I went to the store I looked at Diet Coke and nearly fell over, for a 30 pack of Diet Coke it was $33! So we will no longer be stocked on Diet Coke instead it will be a once in a while indulgence when it’s on special, that’s probably better for us anyways. Before we arrived we had tried to do research and look online at areas and it turns out we weren’t far off, we really loved the Northern Beaches and ended up renting a house in Bilgola. There is a great little village within walking distance, multiple beaches and an awesome view. That’s the big trade off it is so beautiful here that I can’t quite process the fact we live here and it’s not vacation. The price of rent is high but on a nice winter day I just let the kids play on the beach for a few hours and they are tired and happy. The weather is kind of bizarre; it is just about the same every day. Maybe one day it drops to 70 and one day it goes up to 80 but really it’s been mid 70s since we got here and this is winter. Someone told Jamie that we are actually in early spring now so I’ve very curious to see what summer is like. There is rain on the forecast for Sunday so that should be interesting.

So far we’ve seen little lizards and the birds just around the neighbourhood are really different to anything I’m used to. The cockatoos seem to be like pigeons here; they are everywhere and can be loud. Luckily we haven’t seen the dreaded huntsman spider, I’ve heard it’s as big as your hand but harmless, the challenge is that it’s fast and gets in the house and it’s hard to get it out. We’ve been warned that the deadly spiders are actually normally much smaller so that gives me something new to worry about. We’ll see how it goes. Up until now we’ve been in a temp housing townhouse in the city and been lucky as far as animals, reptiles and bugs. We’ve heard that usually you see less of those things the closer to the coast you are and then if you live inland near the bush that’s when you get the real surprises so I’m hoping in the new house we’re ok.

That’s where we are as of now. We’ve been in a weird state of limbo for the last month. In temp housing, can’t enrol in school, getting settle and learning things but not really in the place we are going to be yet. Then all of our thoughts and emotions have been back in Seattle. So next week feels like the real start of getting things in order. We are in the house, Patrick starts school, hopefully I can get Kellen going in Little Kickers and we move forward. Then come December 26^th my parents should get here and get a chance to step away from the high emotions and get a real vacation.

Friends

Our wedding photographer was great and part of her service was to give us these little books filled  with some wallet sized photos from the wedding as an easy way to show family the pictures without having to take around a big album. Ella found one of these little books about a week ago so the little kids have been looking at it over the last few days and it has been fun to see pictures I actually haven’t looked at in a long time. One of the pictures is of our wedding party and yesterday Kellen asked who the people in the pictures were. I went through each person and explained who they were; this is our friend Anna, this is your uncle Justin, etc. It was crazy to think how much has changed in the last 6 (almost 7) years. It really hasn’t been such a long time ago but most of us were in our mid 20s and now are in our early 30s. We’ve moved around the country and the world, some of us gotten married and started families. Those people were all family. Either literally cousins and siblings or people it felt we grew up with at Seattle U. We had spent endless hours together making both good and bad decisions, we had argued politics and formed opinions together, we knew each other’s families and I never worried that we wouldn’t stay connected. Now looking back we are more connected with some than others, obviously moving so far away we don’t see friends or family nearly as much but with so many common friends and connections I’ve always felt like even though we may not be part of each other’s daily life we would always be in touch or aware of what everyone is doing. I don’t doubt that if in SF I’ll see Anna or if we were vising Jamie’s family in Minnesota we would for sure see Kate. We are just connected. So when we moved it was sad to be so far away from everyone but it is comforting to know you’ll always be in touch.

When we first arrived in the UK I was really nervous about being isolated. I’ve always lived in Seattle so had family around and had made my close friends in school so hadn’t had to really try and make new friends as an adult. What I never anticipated was making such good friends. I got so lucky to join a coffee group of really welcoming women who were friendly and open with their time. We also ended up connecting with a couple that Jamie went to high school with and all these years later we live in the same area. So now 2 years later we’ve made friends that have become close enough to spend Christmas with, that are as fun to meet for tea on a Tuesday morning as they are meeting for wine on a Saturday night. They have been the ones to commiserate with about moving to a new country or willing to be an extra pair of hands as Ella toddled around the room. The type of people you can sit down with and suddenly you’ve been talking for 3 hours and the time just flew by. Now as we move it is bitter sweet. I never guessed I would be sad to leave the UK because it’s not ‘home’ but I have found myself sad to leave our friends here. We don’t have the reassurance that we’ll be back once a year to visit or know that we’re connected through a large network or people that will ensure we are always in touch. I can’t imagine not reaching out and keeping updated on each other’s lives but who knows the next time we’ll see each other in person.

As I think about getting settled in Australia I can only hope the people we meet there are as great as the people we’ve met here.

Off to Oz

Beach bums in training...

I haven’t posted in a few months but now I can happily announce we are moving to Sydney! The decision making process has been all consuming and for a while it seems like our options were changing each week so we decided it was better to wait until we knew for sure what our next step was before sharing. This whole process started when Jamie’s old team reached out to him about an open role they thought might be a good fit. At the time he wasn’t looking for a new role and we actually hadn’t started to seriously consider a move. We knew that sometime in the next 12 months he should decide what he wanted to do next and start thinking about his next job but we really weren’t expecting anything so soon. We had also been having on going conversations about what direction he really wanted to take. The advice he had been given by mentors was to think about what role you want 2 or 3 roles down the line and use that to guide what opportunity you pursue next. So suddenly we went from not looking to trying to make a decision on a specific opportunity that was a great job but not necessarily moving him in the direction he wanted to go long term. The other big question was are there other roles out there that he should be considering as well? Before taking another role within Sales Operations it seemed to make sense to really find out what, if any, options he had. So that’s what started us on a long 4 months of networking, interviewing and eventually Jamie accepted a role as a Controller within Finance in Microsoft Australia.

It has been exciting to think about but also a challenge to feel like you can’t plan farther then 30 to 60 days out. Are we moving? Are we staying? Where in the world are we going to end up?! At one point Munich and Budapest were thrown out as potential ideas, while both sound amazing they are also much more daunting when brining 3 kids along. Once we found out that Sydney was not only a possibility but a real option we were really excited. Everything we have heard about living there is how wonderful the lifestyle is with a family. So Jamie went through an interview loop and was told he would be receiving an offer only to find out there was a temporary hiring freeze in place. So there we sat for about 3 weeks, knowing he had the job but not knowing if or when it would be a real offer. Finally the offer came through, details were ironed out and he has formally accepted!

So now we’re on the road again. Having gone through it once I’m a lot less anxious about the relocation process then I was the first time. This time it’s also easier not being 9 months pregnant and trying to plan for both a move and a newborn. We’ve started the visa process and are hoping to be in Seattle early to mid-July before we arrive in Sydney and Jamie starts his new job on August 5^th.

Here’s what we know about Sydney so far:

The weather is going to be amazing. We will have to get used to Christmas in the summer but overall Sydney is actually pretty temperate. On average the winter is the 50s and the summer is in the 70s. Patrick goes to school with a boy from Australia who explained that they almost never play Xbox because you are just always outside. I think all 5 of us could use much more outside time in the sun. That also means a lot more bikini (Ella) and muscle (Patrick and Kellen) pictures on Facebook.

I didn’t realize that the school system is really great. The education system is ranked 6^th overall while the US is 14^th and the UK is 20^th. That combined with being an English speaking country makes it a great fit for Patrick as he goes into his final years of school. The school should also be a better fit for Kellen since the date cut off for school entrance is the end of July, so my little guy doesn’t have to turn 4 in August and start full time school just 3 weeks later. He’ll have an additional year before going in which I think is a great thing.

We’ve also been reassured by people we know who have lived in both the UK and Australia that the houses are much bigger. From what we’ve seen on www.domain.com.au it looks like we just might get an open floor plan, bedrooms with closets and a larger kitchen. For the kids and I especially this is a big deal. We spend a lot of our time at home so finding a house that’s big enough for us combined with living in weather that allows the kids to play outside almost every day makes everyone’s life better.

The drawbacks of Sydney are price and distance. Everyone we’ve talked to has said, you’ll love it but it’s expensive. From what we’ve heard and read the cost of living is high. Food and clothes are apparently very expensive but gas is much cheaper than here in the UK. I’m sure we will have to learn and adjust when we get there to figure out what works best for us. We keep telling ourselves that some of the most beautiful beaches in the world are free and hopefully within walking or short driving distance so that has to count for something.

We can’t wait to get settled in Sydney, explore Australia, and eventually travel around Asia.

I do have it all

Over the last year or so I’ve read a lot about why women chose to stay home with their kids. There was first the article that explained the increasingly competitive world of being a ‘good mother’ forced women to stay home and set back the feminist cause. Then there was the coverage of the mommy wars around attachment parenting. Recently there was the backlash, in one case deserved the other not deserved, around Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg. Then last night I read a review of a new article called The Retro Wife in the New York Magazine. As a current stay at home mom I find myself getting increasingly frustrated because none of these voices represent me or acknowledges that I made a choice.

I know there are many women who don’t have a choice around whether or not they work. Some wouldn’t earn an income that covers the cost of childcare so if they did want to work it isn’t financially possible and others can’t afford to live on one income or don’t have a partner with an income so don’t have the option to stay home. In Seattle our life was built around two full time incomes so I never considered staying home a realistic option, we had a mortgage, car payments, a lifestyle we were comfortable in and the thought of eliminating a large portion of our income just didn’t seem realistic. I had career ambitions, I wanted to do my job well, I worked hard, and I wanted a good review and all of the rewards that come with it. But I didn’t get my personal satisfaction through work instead I found that in our family and I always wished I could stay home.

That was one of the big motivators when we decided to pursue international opportunities, it would be the chance to start over and set up our life around one income and I would have the option to stay home. It was really scary to quit my job but I was excited to stay home with the kids. I don’t regret for a minute that decision. I’m not making organic snacks everyday but I am able to fully participate in each stage they go through. Being home to hear Patrick’s school recap, watching Kellen’s football practices, not worrying about missing any of Ella’s firsts, it has been an amazing experience and I recognize that I am lucky to have this chance. Staying home does mean that I need to make much more of an effort to keep engaged in things outside of young children. I’ve taken classes, golf lessons, made a point to socialize with the new friends we’ve made because you can get a little nutty when the majority of your conversations take place with people under 5 years old. There have been points when I’ve debated when the right time to go back to work will be, at one point a few months ago where I started networking again and made sure my resume was updated, but unless it is a great role I don’t think I’m ready to go back today. I fully plan that I will work at some point but right now this is working for us.

Does this mean I am a more dedicated mother then someone who chooses to work? Of course not, there are a lot of things I miss about working and I understand the desire and drive to work. It doesn’t mean that there is any less dedication to their kids. Does this mean that I am setting womankind back a generation? No, this is the part that really frustrates me. Not working in an office doesn’t mean that I have become the little woman who lives to serve my husband. Yes I am the one who is home so I do the bulk of the cooking and cleaning, it only makes sense, waiting for Jamie to get home after 6:30 and then start dinner is just silly. I’m not staying home to sit on the couch I’m home to be with the kids and part of that wants the house to be the kind of place I want them to grow up in. That includes being clean and having home cooked meals. I’m not competing for the most pinterest shots of amazingly crafty things I’ve made or the organic, everything free, elaborate meals I make each night.

The challenge with the articles that go flying around is that they are just as patronizing as a man saying the woman’s place is in the home because they don’t seem to recognize that we have any choice. First it was the argument that the pressure to be a perfect mother doesn’t allow women to work and have children. Then it is the pressure to be an extreme parent so if you chose to work then you are choosing to not fully parent your kids. Then I read a review of the Retro Wife article. The article itself is the most fair of them all because it profiles women who represent a trend in professional women choosing to stay home, although the aspects of the moms they chose to highlight were a bit concerning like the husband who now has much trendier clothes because his wife can now shop for him. The review though criticizes the article for not trying to dig deeper and solve the problems with our current work culture that doesn’t allow these women continue to work. You can cue the criticism of Marissa Mayer here. What I don’t think anyone seems to understand is that for many of us staying home isn’t a problem we are trying to overcome.

Yes there are women whose job doesn’t allow them the flexibility they want or need in order to feel they are fully balancing work and children. But many of us chose to stay home full time not because we failed at having it all but because right now having it all means staying home. There will be a time in my life where the focus will be more on career but today it isn’t and that’s ok with me and I have to imagine that I’m not the only stay at home mom that feels that way. I’m not trying to argue that the workplace is perfect and I do believe greater flexibility for both men and women would help in making that difficult balance more possible. I also believe that I am the one who needs to teach my kids about gender equality and they will learn a lot of that by watching how Jamie and I interact on a daily basis not by who is cooking dinner.

I feel extremely fortunate to have the choice to stay home right now. So I am a proud stay at home mom who is staying home because it is what I want and it works for the five of us. Not as a political statement.

Gas costs how much?

What are the real costs of relocating? Jamie and I have been asking ourselves that question a lot lately. Before moving we really worried about the emotional cost of relocating, leaving family, etc. In truth there are times when it is really tough but with Skype and phone calls I feel totally connected. Every once in a while I’ll see pictures of the little cousins together and wish that Kellen and Ella could have that same relationship with them but I know that it won’t be too many more years before they do get to have that. I’m lucky that my parents have visited multiple times and while I wish we didn’t have to make the trip we did in August it did give us a chance to spend time with extended family.

The financial cost is harder to gauge. The biggest financial change in our situation was when I quit my job in order to relocate. That is obviously a big hit financially but when I consider that Ella is 17 months old now and I’ve been able to be home with her the whole time I don’t think I would count that as a loss. The chance to enrol Kellen in all of his sports classes or the fact that I get the full run down each day from Patrick as soon as he walks through the door are invaluable. One of the moms I have gotten to know just went back to work 3 days a week and she said that while they were fine with her staying home she wanted to be able to get a haircut without feeling guilty. I thought that was a perfect way to describe it, a second income is the ability to do all the extras without as much budgeting.

Until you have gone through a relocation, or more specifically an international relocation, it’s hard to appreciate the cost of that transition. We were lucky to have a generous relocation package but I don’t think we fully understood the real cost of having to essentially get rid of anything electrical and replace it here. Having owned for a long time I didn’t really think about deposits on rental houses and things like that. There was the selling of cars and then purchasing them all over again here, etc.  Through the process I have gained a better understanding of what I need. Turns out you don’t need a kitchen aid mixer and a full size Cuisinart, a hand mixer works just fine or you can even stir things yourself. It also turns out that I do need a slow cooker so I’m not totally appliance free.

Then there is the cost of living aspect of it all. Having always lived in Seattle I had never moved to a higher/lower cost of living area. We had read and been warned that the UK was a high cost of living. There are a few basics that shock me when I stop to really think about it. The cost of gas, right now gas is about £1.40 per litre; there are 3.78 litres per gallon so the cost per gallon is £5.29. That’s $7.90 per gallon of gas! Based on a quick search right now gas in Seattle is around $3.15 per gallon. The home energy prices are also about double here. The good thing is that most vehicles are much more fuel efficient because that’s what the market demands.  As far as food goes it’s harder to compare but I think food costs are about the same. Pork is a lot cheaper and beef is much more expensive. Lamb is much more readily available and seafood seems about the same. One nice thing is products that would be ‘artisanal’ in a US grocery store are basic and affordable here so we always have good cheese and cured meats. One day I tried to give Kellen a turkey sandwich and he was horrified and explained that meat doesn’t look like that it should be red and round.

There were also some conscious decisions we made before coming out here. Travel is a lot cheaper and we feel like we don’t know how long we will have access to all these amazing places so it’s a priority to try and do and see as much as possible. I was complaining to my Dad one day and he was teasing me that all we do is go on vacation. Our attitude is that we better be going on vacations or there is no point in being here. If we aren’t going to see anything then we should be home in Seattle with our family. These are the intangibles that make it hard to gauge the cost of relocating. How much is it worth to see an Italian Nona in Rome walking Ella around the back kitchen, or Kellen sipping apple tea in Istanbul, hearing Patrick talk about his school trip and trying to remember if that day was in Germany or France? That’s why we did it and I think we would both agree that it was the right choice for us as a family.

As Jamie is passing the year and half mark in his current role people are starting to have career conversations with him and opportunities are being mentioned here in the UK, but also in Singapore, Sidney and Seattle. Now this is all theoretical and there are no specific jobs and it seems that more often than not there are a lot of theoretical conversations before a real job is actually available so for the time being we don’t have to make any decisions. But having just gone through a big relocation we are asking ourselves what the real cost is of doing it all over again. I think going into it again we would have a much better idea of what to ask for in a package and we also understand that while all of the moving expenses are paid for there is a lot more involved as you get settled into a new place. I’m torn between the feeling that we are already out in the field so might as well maximize this time, see different places, and get different experiences before we go back home and settle again. The other side is that we are settled here and the thought of selling and rebuying half our things and then figuring out a new location feels daunting.

So back to the cost, it’s not cheap to do this; we are not being responsible and saving large sums of money to put towards retirement. I think it’s worth it when I consider the time I’m getting with the kids, the travel and the experiences they are getting. I sometimes wish we had a second income and more disposable money. Other days I’m so glad we aren’t living the same lifestyle we were before. Is it worth it? For us this move was worth it. Do I want to spend 10 years buying and selling the same things over and over again? No. Could we do it at least once more? Yes, probably, maybe…